Paramour of the Ignorance

300th POST

2012-02-20T23:08:00.001+08:00

now, before this i made a few plans... firstly, i planned on posting my 300th post on the Valentine's day, but i was rather busy on that day... you know,being fabulously single on V-day and what not..

tapi sumpah jadi macam hilang idea on just about anything... so i can't really make anything special... but i do have some lame ideas on how to pass my time

now first thing i which i assume to be a huge joke.. (but lame)

its the art on mixing two or more random fact in one sentence...
for example

fact 1: i love Thai food
fact 2: my earphone is broken
fact 3: i prefer using Rockmelt of all browsers

thus

I love Thai food but unfortunately my earphone is broken and i prefer using Rockmelt of all browsers i have

then my second idea

go to a remote area find an eatery but in broad daylight of course, preferable there's a memorable landmark like a road sign, really big tree, or anything at all...
then, while the person that work at the eatery come and ask for your order, you start asking some random-yet-creepy-horror-stories-related type of questions

for example
soalan satu: makcik, dah ubah interior kedai ke??
soalan dua: mane perempuan muda yang bergetah habis satu pagi tu makcik?
soalan 3: eeeehhhh kedai ni laaaa yang saye pernah datang satu pagi tu.. makcik bukak 24 hours mcm mcD yeekkkk
soalan 4: makcik ni ade membela ke??

and go on and on asking and describing the so called kedai makan berhantu that you used to come... make sure you're loud enough that the whole eatery can hear you... if possible bring along a friend so that it'll be more convincing.... go on until at least half of the customers leave...

sooooo that was very much it.. i have nothing much to talk bout.. mungkin dah terima kenyataan that i might have to repeat a few papers during this exam.. baru first sem kot... *sigh*

and finally

for my loved ones, I'd stream through the forest of Amazon and kidnap a unicorn and I'll search the world for a fairy... and i'll cage of them so that you can have endless supply of rainbows and fairy dusts... =]

father issues

2012-02-05T01:25:00.001+08:00

this is quite an interesting topic for me, eventhough this is not a first hand experience but still being able to witness the psychological development of the people involved is an honour to me

ok before i got punched on my adam apples soooo hard when she wakes up i'd like suggest to fellow stalkers, please jangan berkecil hati with the owner of this blog, its not her fault that i'm taking over for one night

baik leee, kite menyambung kisah (eceehhh we sound alike kan???)

now, it had been globally know that young girls growing up out of love and enough attention from their father receives some issues, and these issues are the ones influencing the way these girls been acting when they're growing up.. and this behaviour is what people may see it as them getting back at their father.. and sometimes, their behaviour are mainly bout getting approval and attention from others which sometimes they'll do whatever it takes even sleep with random strangers

yes, i do admit that these girls are vulnerable... so vulnerable that turn them to be an easy target for the sex predators in the porn industry... ok, takde laaaa seteruk tu, but enough to make them to be the victim of the jack asses that pull up cheap tricks to get into a girls pants...

now, to think bout it, when men said something bout meaningless sex, no commitment etc, and being friends with benefits is making a woman see it as if she's in control of her own sex life, she choose for stuff to be that way and she's in command bla bla when its really you're not good enough to be seen in cloths and walking next to him in broad daylight that you only serve a purpose on bed....

ooowwwhhh you are soooo going to hate my honesty... but these are the stuff i was going to say but was put on hold due to a certain agreement

and talking bout girls with father issues, i was reminded with the girl that was familiar with the nick name 36D, (because of her bra size)

this girl or what she used to be is what some gays and independent girls and women might call, "a dumb slut that cant live without men"

this girl, used to switch between guys more frequent than the number of shower my sister's classmate took in a week...

for anyone that despise her to be acting like her (or at least the tak boleh hidup tanpa lelaki part) is just frigging pathetic laaaa wweehhhhh, in a way or another you hate her because you wanted to be like her kaaaaannnn???!!!

ok, kesian pulak minah tu, she went through a bitter relationship, and she's acting up =.=" yeeesssss may insert sarcasm here

now, enough said, saving kepedasan lain for 300th post, which i think i need to ask for the permission for me to take over, mane tau die ade any cheesy stuff to say to the people that barely know her existence

loving memoir,

the virgin

p/s: is it bad, when you know someone really close to you has some unresolve issues that he doesn't even know of and not letting him know that so he can have it resolve but been predicting what he's bout to do next, putting bets and watch him real closely like a lab rat??

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one day

2012-02-02T15:21:00.001+08:00

soon, i'll return to Melaka with my loved ones, with a pretty white dress and we'll climb the St Paul hill, jalan-jalan tepi pantai, the river banks, Jonker Street, main kites and tide horses, while at night we'll cruise down the river

mimpi yang nampak macam menarik, but somehow ade perasaan kecil dalam hati yang tak sedap, as if i'm losing everybody

bye...

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kemas bilik

2012-01-30T12:21:00.000+08:00

the first thing i do when i got home was cleaning up the whole house and most importantly my own room, while doing that, i threw away all the notes and all the papers from my diploma days also to my surprise my PASUM days

and so, in one of my files, i saw something that i once wrote for myself, here it goes

one day, you might feel a little sad, that the world is crushing on you, god is facing away from you, no one listens to your cry, no friends to wipe your tear, That day, you will feel that it is the best timefor you to end your lifeso that all your pain will stopbut you forget that it only brings nothing but more pain and suffering when you die people will never be sad god will turn His face from you no friends to console youonly you and your sin in the grave

at that moment rase macam kena sepak laju-laju by an 18 year old overweight girl that knew no better than me... yang punya mata yang tertutup dengan kenyataan hidup and was still a fetus, namun again to my surprise able to give me an actual advice

mungkin betul ade yang pernah dikata oleh seseorang dulu

"you're unhappy because you don't appreciate the people around you"

bye....

famous last words

2012-01-27T23:12:00.000+08:00

takde makne nye.. totally overated...

other than that..

to a certain someone which i know doesn't pay attention to my blog.. what i'm about to say are the stuff i don't got to say these past few months... and some of these words are influenced by other people that you know and don't...

yes, i brought lot's of other names and brought up my conversation with other people because i don't know how to put my advice or even thoughts into nice words that can be understood, with that i apologize

nak cakap ape??

benda dah jadi, so to be honest, i don't feel like anything that i say boleh membawa kepada apa-apa perubahan... saya hanya manusia yang sama khilaf, dan banyak kelemahan, dan bukan di tempat insan ini untuk memberikan apa-apa nasihat berunsur agama kepada insan lain.. saya tak merasakan diri saya lebih baik dari anda, sementelah saya banyak membawa kegagalan pada setiap langkah yang saya bawa

namun,

sayang saya pada diri anda yang merupakan anak watan yang pada pendapat saya bakal membawa masa depan yang cerah pada umat manusia.. sayang itu juga yang memaksa keluarnya bait kata sedang perit hati mengata pendamkan saja

benar,

perit hati saya untuk meneruskan kata...

jika mengenangkan kembali pada kata-kata yang dulu pernah anda luahkan seolah janji kepada diri anda sendiri, sekarang putusnya janji tersebut, menghumbakan diri anda dalam lautan api yang kekal membakar

anda,

kelam langit di bumi saya kala khabar berita dibawa, hampir menitis air mata saya sedang anda tahu, jarang sekali untuk air mata saya menitis kerana insan lain

saya tahu,

dan saya juga faham, bukan mudah untuk sesiapa juga untuk melepaskan apa sahaja yang pernah mereka genggam erat di dalam tangan begitu sahaja, dan saya sedar yang bukan mudah untuk membina sebuah empayar, dan hanya sebuah malam sahaja yang diperlukan untuk menghancurkannya

kecewa,

dan hancur hati saya dengan tindakan anda, namun saya tahu, apa juga saya rasakan tak dapat mengubah apa-apa sekiranya anda sendiri tidak berkeinginan dalam mengubahnya

kata terakhir saya,

dalam sebuah pencarian, adalah lebih baik untuk anda berjalan sendiri dalam perjalanan anda, tiada sesiapa yang dapat membantu diri anda selain diri anda sendiri, itu yang telah saya belajar dalam pencarian saya..

dan,

kalau saya sesat dalam mencari jalan pulang ketika saya keluar dalam pengembaraan saya, maafkan saya...

never again

2012-01-23T00:58:00.001+08:00

i let myself go in a free fall like i did here in Kelana Jaya
abandoned my kohls and kajals and eyeliners

not doing my cardio exercise and loner walk
not taking my own alone time just to reflect all the stupid things i did for the past week
neglect everyone i love and be in my own world
eat three tubs of ice cream in a week
pushing everyone away
getting jealous of what people have
not taking the road less traveled
not shaving my legs
be ignorant to the power of a good shower
stop reading
be in front of my laptop 24/7
playing with my phone all the time
not staying away from the world wide web
paling penting... give my heart to anyone...

23

2012-01-19T00:58:00.000+08:00

now.. we had this conversation during the study week... there were us, the kids turning 23 this year (me and another guy) and there were 4 kids turning 20 (2 girls and 2 guys).. and basically bout how to act when they turn 20...

and being total loyars, obviously me and Jim gave the worst advice... and comparing when we were 20 and so called 23.. and how i begged him on not admitting we're turning 23...

now... kite cerita menda-menda yang petty dulu

so, we left the children and we played pong pong (the hybrid of tennis, squash, badminton, volleyball and ping pong)

during the game, i asked the dude, "I'm 23, should i start think bout marriage??", and he said "ko perempuan, so yeah, aku lelaki lain... sekarang ni i'm thinking bout not getting married at all"

other than the fact he had been a total sexist by giving out that comment, it's kinda surprising, that he's sort of the first straight that ever had this kind of conversation with me... other than that he sort of told me the complication of his past relationships.. and hey, who am i to compare to that.. to be honest.. my past(??) relationship was (is?) totally out of this world.. but somehow i appreciate the weirdness...

ok, sambung dengan cerita yang boring pulak

so being a narcissist, i'm gonna rant on and on bout my boring life, macam orang lain pun tak amik the same course, macam orang lain kat dunia ni takde hardship langsung bla bla bla

now..

last year... i kept on thinking that tak payah kahwin laaa... its ok to be alone... nanti adopt a baby boy, which has an exotic look with blue eyes.. which i will raise to be as twisted as his mommy.. but lately i've been thinking bout someone to spend the rest of my life with... i dont know sejak bile that this feeling started...

few days ago, i was alone, makan dim sum because i had a craving.. and ade laaa a sweet old married couple that the husband was on wheel chair... and his wife was faithfully amik makanan and layan suami die.. i wondered... if i have a husband, will he be willing to be able to flaunt his PDA (public display of affection), and its not that i enjoy PDA, but its about the feeling that he won't be embarrassed being seen in public with me...

then i got this soapy feeling when i see babies and mothers... =.="

ok... yang lain, keep to myself... pasal not really in the mood to humour anyone by making them uncomfortable with me being too vocal and verbal bout my feelings..
take note, feelings, and not emotions...

all and all, all this feelings is maybe because i'm just horny...

yoouuucchhhh i know... TMI (too much information)

pasal...

2012-01-14T11:14:00.002+08:00

... the next paper is less stressful

.... i have the highest mark in my class of 20+ people

..... i host a party last night

... i cooked nasi ayam and carbonara

... dah start nak demam

... main jongkang jongket till 1 am with the boys

... i only start getting to know the people around me yesterday

... excited nak habis kan exam

... Melaka plan with the girls

.... cutting out Ledang from the plan ='(

... my phone turn into a wifii router (COOL!!!)

... i'm still in bed

.... i don't drink white milk

.. i love frozen yogurt

.... Melaka is located between Negeri Sembilan and Johor

ok the last three was just random

perfectly lonely

2012-01-09T23:31:00.001+08:00

and the way i sing this song "i'm sexy and i know it"

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moga

2012-01-09T22:23:00.001+08:00

may i have enough sorrow in keeping me human and humane

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today

2012-01-07T20:37:00.001+08:00

i barely studied, but productive, had our study group, Jim brought his housemates which are tonnes of fun

during lunch, i had the best laugh, then we studied, then i took a nap while my partner played ping pong, woke up after 30 minutes just to see him half naked playing ping pong =.="

and, bersembang, study balik, then main ping pong, berdebat pasal kawin awal, cerita hantu, bla bla bla

maghrib, tapau makanan, balik, now i'm taking a nap

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adoooiiii

2012-01-05T22:10:00.001+08:00

my mind is playing games with me

downloaded from blackmart, some might hang as it does not go well with my lame processor

hence downloaded from market, tapi download the free version so the games are blanked with ads

i'm not happy, and when i'm not happy everything related to me will show how unhappy i am

ny hair, my weight, my freaking study urges

i need to find something in me that'll make me happy

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Dorothy Gale

2012-01-04T17:55:00.001+08:00

years ago, was so sure that i'll find great friends yang sama2 sanggup menemani the long yellow brick walk

Otto's long gone, Cowardly Lion, Heartless Tinman and the Scarecrow wont be on my hand and feet all the time

this time, im on my own to go through the yellow brick road

till we meet again at the Emerald City

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13 hari

2012-01-03T19:46:00.001+08:00

sabar laaaa hati, tahan laaaa tubuh

kurang 2 minggu, lepas 13 hari lepaskanlah ape yang terbenak dalam hati

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howl

2012-01-03T15:54:00.001+08:00

who'd answer this howl

tak tau kenape rase penat, suffocate, hilang minat nak hidup, losing passion and enthusiasm

what happened to me?? who am i??

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words by Paramour (January entry)

2012-01-02T14:07:00.000+08:00

bangun pungguk di pagi hari
bulan lama menyepi
mentari makin meninggi
sayup pungguk merindu memanggil purnama
hilang purnama diganti terik mentari
makin jauh pungguk dari purnama
lubuk hati pungguk bertanya
mana purnama
merindukan cahaya hangat
membalut hati pungguk yang dingin
tak teralir tangis di mata pungguk
rindu menanti malam datang lagi
namun jauh di tengahari kini
purnama gembira di langit, ditemani bintang kejora
bintang senja menyinar memberi harapan
yang malam datang lagi
namun kelam langit malam
dliputi kabus dingin
datang dari kaki bukit
pungguk kembali rindu
panggilan rindu
nyanyian sakit tak dipeduli
beragan membawa hati

ya Allah, bawalah mereka untuk aku, sungguh pahit yang aku rasa di bibit hati kini
give me guidance ya allah, jangan sampai aku jauh aku pergi dari jalan mu ya allah
di mana hilangnya diriku ya allah

farewell 2011

2011-12-31T23:45:00.001+08:00

banyak pahit, but at the same time banyak jugak manis nye tahun ni

banyak yang dah jadi banyak jugak yang tak terjadi

hoping not to look at things that didnt happen with regrets

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Ciko

2011-12-24T21:01:00.001+08:00

last couple of weeks, when i got back from my hometown, and back to the black hole that sucks the deepth of my soul, i found out that one of my housemates broughtback a thumb sized hamster

when i finally got to see the hamster i saw that the hamster was a bit sickly

and one of my housematws asked if there's something i can do

so i gave every advice i can give to her and all of a sudden i felt a sharp pain in my heart and i gave out a sudden gasp

enough said... those that understands me know how i felt during that time

ya Allah, sesungguhnya, diriku sebagai manusia yang lemah hanya mampu merancang, dan Engkau yang berkuasa untuk menentukan hala tuju hidupku

dan aku yakin jalan yang Engkau halakan di depanku adalah yang terbaik, dan akan aku akan gunakan sebaiknya peluang yang telah Engkau berikan padaku

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What do you do to relax?

2011-12-24T15:59:00.001+08:00

now.. that's a good question since that's just what i needed right now

oftentimes
1. i dimmed the lights in my room and do my work in the dark
2. sing my heart out to Norah Jones, Duffy and Adele
3. spend my money
4. spam text people
5. find my punch bag and pour my heart out
6. take a long shower
7. go for a swim
8. have a long walk alone
9. sit somewhere quiet and reflect back what i did
10. close down my world

but at times non of the up above can provide me the calmness i needed

come on..gimme some cold shower!!

pemutus bicara cont

2011-12-22T00:54:00.001+08:00

this is the sambungan of yesterdays post, or this mornings post, yet again im under the influence

there are some stuff that i like to talk bout last night but too frigging drowsy to do so

and its amazing to see how my mind malfunction because of the reaction of chenicals in my body

talk bout chemistry, just went through my chemistry test just now, it was better than last time's but still not good enough

pppffffftttttt

oohhhh yeeaaahhh

the reason these post are named as such because i wish with this post to be the closure for whatever happen during the past few weeks and some too personal, its too personal i dont even talk bout it to myself, yeeaaahhh

not thinking bout it = it doesnt happen

its almost the end of the year, nope, not talking bout the year end sale but how fast the time flies and banyak benda dah jadi dan banyak jugak yang terlepas not forgetting how many things that changed bout me and some of them can be seen on naked eyes, while some only a pair of well trained eyes that can make the observation

i started off 2011 being left alone in my room while my boys went to live their own life, and the same i wish for the closure of 2011, alone

harapnye laaa dapat berada di mane2 puncak supaya dapat merasa lembut dingin angin meratah kulit mengusap rambut, again ALONE

i hope for nothing more other than 2012 will be an end for whatever nonsence that had been bugging me all this while

here in my new college, i'm glad that some part of me is appreciated and people dont tell me to shut up when i sing to heal my misery, nor for them to be making me down for whatever reason

***off for 2 hours nap***

have anyone faced this before, you watched porn and beat off in front of the screen till you cummed, and after than you fell all disgusted and nasty and wished you never did and even made a promise that you'll never go into that website ever again,

while if you just watch and get all excited without the big end the regression drama never occur

well someone tweeted that, thats why i put that thing here =P

soooooo, ape yang jadi tu lebih kurang je, after all of it end, feeling less pressure, bla bla bla you started to feel silly because of all the drama you stirred earlier

***off for day nap***

***buat assignment break***

***settle for the night***

ok, im all sobered up

baiklaaahhh menyambung cerita

when i think bout it, i can give out two reaction when i receive any enhancer to my disturbance

example,

dipanggil gemok and been given any heartless comment on my weight (yeeaahhh among the contribution kpd kewujudan 2nd person in me)

i can either be a sponge, dengar dan senyap dan serap (dalam hati considering suicide and pernah cakap pun, but it turned out it the image of me dying is hillarious to some people)

i can be a rebound board in a basketball game

ok imagine this, if a force is given in any angle, the ball will bounce back in a certain angle also

lebih kurang macam tu jugak laaaaa

when im disturbed and i got any form of inhibitor, senyap jugak, but dalam hati pendam until at one point sakit hati akan diluahkan but dalam bentuk yang lain

but who am i kidding??? there's no possible way for me to explain bout myself

enough bout that

right now, in order to keep myself sane and also to avoid myself from making any dramas based in the shallowest excuses, i try to look any possiblity in anything at all that will make me smile, genuinely

among of the stuff are,

sitting at my balcony, looking at the night sky while i let the wind dry up my wet hair

tweet benda bukan2

kacau eric and sometimes wayne

text benda bukan2 semata2 nak lepas gian membebel tanpa dilayan oleh shahril

spam ellie's wall

sat on my bed, eating sushi with the light dimmed and watch Big Bang Theory while wishes Sheldon is my boyfriend

most importantly im trying my best not to be bothered by whatever happen

cuba untuk tak menangis bila last week i saw this gay sayang pipi hag die

try not to cry everytime i see faces on the newsfeed on my fb

try to fight the urgency to open up the media in my satio and try to find the deleted pics, and listen to the voice that sang to a long lost love

i'm moving on, exam dah dekat sangat, and its plainly stupid for me to give up without even trying

to be honest, sangat busy and occupied sampai shahril's bday pun tak properly wished

like any other exams, my room and workplace yang menerima impak paling hebat

sesungguhnya merentan jiwa yang minimally OCDed

and yeeahhh demi menghormati permintaan beberapa pihak which includes my mom, banyak gambar di FB yang telah di delete and hidden and i also think its for the best

deep down rase macam nak delete je Edora, but i NEED Edora, where i can be myself without being judged

mungkin time for a son pulak kot, but a cyclope son that i kept in the basement and hidden from outside world cause i really do need a safe playground

ok, dah penat sangat2

i'm off to bed now

byyeeeee =D

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pemutus bicara

2011-12-20T00:37:00.001+08:00

before anything i just wish for any of my readers to understand that im under the influence of cough syrup and i am bit tipsy when i write this

oleh itu jangan laaa terlalu kejam menggunakan content dalam post ini against me, later in the future

jadi, hari ni keadaan jadi lebih baik with lecturers kurangkan topik coming out in the exam, and also tests, and feeling upmost happiness when i score the highest mark in biodiversity class, then and there i feel the hope for me to walk in collegge ground with head up high, ok takde laa taraf bongkak, but still face look up the sun and feel the warmth of the global crisis of the green house effect

ape lagi yeee?

oh yeaaahhhh we failed a few tests before, ade yang boleh retest ade yang tak.. paling risau the introduction to biotech paper which annoys shit, since its only theoretical and we sat down and was lectured bout what others do

back to the tests, somehow, in a weird way, me and Jim, a guy in clasd, the only malay guy in my class, found a way to laugh at our misery, tadi dalam kelas we laugh on how his test paper was attacked by the lecturer's kitten and how his matrix number was corrected by the lecturer

yeaaahhh imagine how someone can be so confused =.="

on life pulak, i decided that im the one who should take control, jangan pasal kepenatan menahan emosi i asked my twin brother took over

my evil twin brother yang super protective and hates for any boys to be around and close to me

other than that, i once again decide i should keep my heart to myself and i wont open up to anyone here pasal nampak sangat2 laaaa some people here are a bit hypocrite and to be honest, i dont even know who i can and cant trust

and paling sedih how some of them are homophobes

tiba tiba rase kulit makin putih pucat

where was i??

oh yeeaaahhh i made few plans, and one of them is either to go and have fun in Genting while honeymooning or have a retreat ALONE in Gunung Ledang

well after exam laaa, exam will be over maybecon the 16th Jan

oh yeeeaahhh lagi, plan lain, im planing on ajaking my classmates to go have a BBQ in PD, and no, no bungalow, since bungalow simpan untuk honeymoon jugak =P

aaaaaaannnnddddddd

susah nak maafkan Mio on what he did when he invaded me, but i watch Shelter earlier, Shane forgave Zack after all the things Zach said when he rejected him and he took him in after all when Zach apologized

and so thats what i do, i forgive you Mio, even when Mia tau Mio akan buat lagi

dah tak bother to explain myself bout anything, nak terima, maka terimalah, nak maafkan maka maafkan lahh, nak buang terus memang betul laaaa what i expected ealier

terima kasih and bersyukur pasal i found Shahril as the first one and glad he's the one i can truly be honest about everything and pasal kemampuan die untuk terima segala kepelikkan

and for ellie for her words =')

dah penat and drowsy gile2

sooooo g'nyte

p/s: the weather and the traffic sound and the lights soothes me

k bye

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give up

2011-12-19T01:44:00.001+08:00

kesinambungan dari sebuah fed up, akhirnya jiwa yang rentan telah kehilangan apa-apa rasa lalu layu terkubur di awangan diterbang langit

hilang rasa dari segala aspek dalam hidup

redha nya diri membiar hubungan di landa badai walau perasaan terombang ambing mencari haluan dalam gelombang tsunami

lajak perahu di tolak arus sungai masih boleh ditarik kembali ke sungai

lajak laku atau kata???

harapkan taubat dari Allah swt dan maaf dari umat manusia

kemaafan dari Allah pasti ada, namun manusia belum tentu

kalau diri dibuang(?) memang salah diri kerana selalu menyangka wujud peluang kedua dan ketiga

bye

with loving memories,

madame Ignorance

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GPS

2011-12-17T02:00:00.001+08:00

i'm in a point of no return, completely lost, dan tak jumpe jalan pulang and trapped in a limbo where the ghost from my past keep pulling me back when i try to find my ways

masih tak jumpa the inception of my dream, totem doesn't stop spinning

terpulang for anyone to believe but i am at lost, Mia only exist di alam maya kini, my other half takes over jasad kujur day and night now and once again doing what he does best, sabotaging anything that is left in my life

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fed up

2011-12-16T10:59:00.001+08:00

tired looking at my notes, and assignments, on going work, everyone here, facebook, and plainly everything

wish i could just sleep till the end of January but i dont know how much damage will be done if i do

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the sacred bonding

2011-12-13T18:40:00.001+08:00

of a hag and her gays

how lonely and liberated i feel right now

and how i miss the times we spent together

each day and each moment directed into the my internal memory saved, and sealed

each words turn into my lullaby, arousing me into me slumber, not deep just trivial, enough for me lay my restless head

the scents yang selalu tertinggal dekat shawl, and i hugged it while i fall asleep,

cuddling in my memories of my boys, nights at the walls, classrooms, the trio at the library

i wish i could turn back the time to the mid mornings in Nilai, the cat on my 21st bday, main buaian in Dataran Nilai

i'm lonely Bee, syg,

every minute i spend here alone i'm dying inside

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moody

2011-12-13T13:19:00.001+08:00

practically being a total narcissist that i talk bout myself lately

and today im gonna talk bout myself some more

pada ketika ini, literally i'm deceiving my stress by giving myself false hopes

Genting

and once again

Ledang

after exam, now, sape nak ikut ni??? or else i might be going alone

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demands

2011-12-12T18:53:00.001+08:00

yeeeaaahhh a high maintenance like can be seen to be very demanding sometimes

tapi saat2 mcm baru lepas dapat result upu, and everything else that covers under the same chapter, i dont hope for nothing more

cuma wujud nya seseorang that will look at me beneath my skin without making fun of the layers of adipose under my skin

look at me more than skin deep, tell me everything will be alright, masih wujudnya harapan, and that particular person will tell me he'll stand behind me with boxes of tissues papers and a warm sturdy hug no matter what happens

saat2 kabut begini, betapa diri mengharap diri ini tak terus hanyut bagai kelapa di lautan

mengharap adanya insan bersama memberi sokongan

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running away

2011-12-11T23:04:00.000+08:00

listening to this song makes me wanna go on with the Gunung Ledang plan again

4.00 - 3.00

2011-12-11T22:55:00.001+08:00

serabut.. sumpah serabut...

takut nak cakap dengan mak and ayah, sort of macam letak cleaver knife under my throat...

especially after i have went through...

post in in blog? too effing personal..

one of the issues yang terlalu personal even untuk di post in Edora...

somehow, bile serabut ni laaa my deepest memory mengungkit balik luka2 lama..
luka yang either melibatkan someone else or just me...

arrrrggghhhh benci bila Pandora box kena geladah~!!!!

ya allah, bantulah hamba mu ini, berikanlah petunjuk dalam

diriku membuat keputusan

angkatlah diriku ketika jatuhnya aku

diploma vs bachelorate

2011-12-08T14:48:00.001+08:00

it doesnt make much difference as most people said tapi diorang lupe nak cakap dalam in what context

basically the stuff i learn during diploma is almost the same at the ones i took during my diploma, just because i think that i have too much time to waste so i didn't transfer the credit for some of the subjects, eeehhheeeehhh *insert sarcasm here*

dulu diploma i was the class rep which somehow deosbt really matters pasal lecs will just call anyone and we'll just spread the words among ourselves

sekarang pun class rep jugak, kerja baru, email notes to classmates post on fb group bout any info class, assignments etc

dulu and sekarang same je, closing to finals, workload to the roof but sekarang lain pasal dulu kerja tak sesusah sekarang (daaaaa figures!!! *rolling eyes*)

why do i complain sooooooo much lately?? well i got that figured out

1. never during my diploma i got sick because of my workload

2. i used to be the best presenter, it turned out it doesnt matter here anymore

3. no matter how hard i worked on something it doesn' t matter, i will nevet get 90% as my minimum gred

4. even when i sacrificed my raya i failed one of my exams, and get super low marks on the others

5. takde tempat mengadu, or at least a distraction, yes i'm needy, yes im dependent

the thing bout me distracting myself from stress is i tend to do something stupid or spend my money

something stupid like arching my eyebrows, jump into the pool in my white t-shirt and jeans, flashing a barista bla bla bla and the list goes on

adoooiiii at this point i think i should open myself and just accept anyone here in my life and give them my trust

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forgive me

2011-12-08T01:02:00.001+08:00

for not having the strength to cope with my own emotions that i drag u along in my own mess

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making your decision right

2011-12-07T00:31:00.001+08:00

its no secret to those that know me that biotech is merely a second option for me and so far i'm actually 'enjoying' the workload

how much work i'm facing right now??

cukup laaa dengan sakit yang ditanggung menjadi bukti

stress, frustration etc memgunung and almoet downwith my emotional breakdown, it turned out i'm not fully independent of my troubled psychological state... my current affair is being taken into a certain measurement that made me consider that i'm better off alone handling my problems... betul laaaa orang cakap, jangan harapkan orang lain, because people will let u down easily...

jangan harap kan simpati sesiapa sungguhpun dah terlantar terbaring kerana sumpahan saka genetik sakit pinggang dan kaki menanggung pedih kerana kemalangan

komen yang layak diterima hanya "waahhh hebat, mesti pasal awak gemuk kan??"

bukan mengadu hanya bercerita, consideribg my friends are going through much worse..

i'm surrounded by many many people, hello satu rumah pun 13 orang, but i feel in utter complete wholesome set of loneliness..

what i feared for before i came here memang dah jadi, i know that i made myself look petty by grumbling over and over again bout not having any gays here *sigh*

takpe laaaa, despite everything, simpan je laaas cerita2 lain for those who cares

bye, madame off to bed =*

p/s: sorry for all the typo, using a phone to blog is very limiting

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confusing

2011-11-25T00:26:00.001+08:00

dulu... pernah satu persoalan dikeluarkan

macam mane sebuah perasaan perlu dizahirkan kepada sesuatu yang fizikal??

namun masa berlalu..

diri ini akhirnya merasa sendiri...

kala rindu membuak di hati.. di minda hanya mampu untuk memikirkan hangat peluk, lembab ciuman, halus nya ombak rambut saat jari mengobak ikal, bau yang melekat di kulit perang lembut...

saat itu juga jiwa terseksa kerana perasaan terbenam tertanam kerana batas agama perlu dijaga

tertanya lagi

akan wujudkah ikatan membenar sentuhan antara kita??

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ooowwwhhh ooohh

2011-11-24T14:34:00.001+08:00

alamak. ..

ok.. i know i'm not suppose to blog in class.. but i got the back seat and the lecturer couldnt care less laaaaa....

and bout the post earlier was and accident... i put my touch screen in my hand without locking it and voila a blog post...

before i was spammed by pocket dial missed calls... and penah jugak once in a while i received pocket text by my friends bg tak reti nak lock phone before throwing their phones in their bags... ok fine... the same might comd from me..

tapi later in life... kala kemajuan sedang memuncak... sedang dunia hangat dengan peperangan antara 2 jenis buah buahan yang masing masing menayangkan kualiti nutrisi masing.. eatabg nya google biskut halia.. dan kala itu jua diri dikejut kan dengan pocket tweet...

dah laaaa pocket tweet... siap mention namw lagi... hello!! paling mengelirukan phone tersebut merupakan qwerty keypad that can be hidden =_=

kan kan kan kan???!!!!

ok... battery dr paib dah low... i'm out for now... more to come later =)

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speechless Saturday

2011-11-05T23:22:00.001+08:00

the last 21 night

2011-10-30T02:19:00.000+08:00

apa maknanya rasa rindu jika namanya tak pernah puas menjadi peneman jantung yang berdegup
kasih yang ada larut dalam darah
ingatan padanya hangat dalam dada

adddooooiiiii really really dont want to celebrate Halloween with strangers

words by Paramour #5

2011-10-26T00:54:00.004+08:00

kelam malam merayu pada bintang
agar terang hilang kabut di hati
gerimis malam ditopeng bumbung batu
meneduh tubuh dingin mencari hangat
butir embum menanti mentari datang
meresap ke ruang udara
rela diri hilang dari dinoda
pijak kaki jijik ludah manusia
kelam malam sunyi
bawa seribu rasa
kala hati digigit rindu
dan jiwa digelodak
merayu bah madu datang memecah empang
menawar hati pahit kelat
pulanglah kasih, kembalilah sayang
bawa duka lara agar sama tenang
biar titis butir tangisan kita sama usap

how we mix everything up

2011-10-19T23:37:00.002+08:00

during Communication Skill class today, I stated a point to my lecturer how i can deal with people being childish but i can't deal with immaturity.. and she told me there's no different between those two... but in my opinion there is...

ok now lets open our eyes and heart while we imagine this...
consider than being childish as a phenotype of an organism
while maturity is the genotype of an organism

and phenotype is a trait or characteristic expressed by a certain gene in the meanwhile genotype is a part of genetic constitution of an organism

so... sekarang ni kite paham kan yang trait expressed is determined by gene... and we are talking about the simple recessive dominant inheritance.. so we can make a conclusion that maturity is like the hidden gene but it may also be expressed by the trait.. now bile kite sebut pasal inheritance we have to consider the recessive and dominant trait..

ok.. sekarang ni pulak kite assume yang childish (C) is more dominant to maturity (c) which is a recessive trait, a person that is childish may posses the gene of CC or Cc, so from that we may assume that a person who's acting childish is a homozygous dominant or or a heterozygous dominant... a test cross may needed if we cross the specimen with another homozygous recessive specimen...

sekarang ni case 2, since maturity is is a recessive trait, a person that shows this characteristic can only possess the cc gene.. so the person is homozygous recessive... ok.. boleh paham tak???

now.. ni plak lakaran case lain... take note that me and Pian made this theory when we just get to know each other...

assume that
G is gay (dominant)
g is straight (recessive)
while Gg is bisex

if we cross a bisex man with a bisex woman
Parent: Gg X Gg

Gamete: G g G g

Offspring: GG Gg Gg gg
then we may obtain a fully gay child, 2 bisex child, and 1 straight child

if we cross a gay and a lesbo
Parent: GG X GG

Gamete: G G G G

Offspring: GG

all offsprings are bounded to be gay and lesbos unless there's a mutation occur

if a straight man crossed with a lesbo
Parent: gg X GG

Gamete: g g G G

Offspring: Gg Gg Gg Gg
all of the child will be bisex

for a better view,
we use another example....

maka sampai laaa kesudahan kegilaan malam ni...

and rase ego agak terguris bila dapat result test hari tu..

secrets behind your name

2011-10-16T21:44:00.000+08:00

its interesting to find out the secrets behind your name... and lately i've been doing some research bout the name Mia..

and it turned out the name Mia came from Italy and holds the meaning of 'mine'

it is mainly used in Danish (bukan roti) and Swedish...

i also found out that Mia is a Jewish name.. and if my mom finds out bout the origin of my name she might stop calling me that and start calling me with my full very muslim name even my name doesn't sound very Islamic...

the mainly the name Mia describes a pretty girl with a long hair who's super hot and fun to be with when and it turned out the person that has the name Mia describes totally the opposite...

other than Mia, i also found out that my other name, ~M~I~R~A~ has a meaning too.. my Zimbabwe classmate told me (last week) that the name Mira meant "STOP" in his native language.. no wonder he likes yelling out my name so loudly even when i introduced myself as ~M~a~s~ and not ~M~I~R~A~

all my life i've been attached to the name Edora.. in a weird way i've never heard that name in my mother's tongue but still ever since i was a child i have a certain liking to the name... and at a certain point in my life i've even decided i should name my child Edora... and the thing is the name Eudora or Edora is a French name which the Greek meaning behind it is "long lasting gift".. see ain't it a good name for a single child that her mother conceive by a few trials in the lab in order to have a baby with curl-locks and blue eyes...

bukan laaa name Arab like anyone else's has.. but the thing is, tugas wajib seorang bapa adalah memberi nama yang baik kepada anaknya... but, ape maksud sebenar di sebalik nama yang baik.. ape pulak maksud nya nama2 Islam... wajib kah nama tersebut diambil dari bahasa Arab?? bukankah Islam itu global?? jadi kalau orang melayu nak name kan anak dengan name Jesus pun??? ok tu pelik sangat and the name Isa is way easier (although both names won't do me justice, forgive the lisp for S) and since Edora pun takde bapa, mommy laaa yang akan menanggung tugas sebagai ibu dan juga bapa... and paling penting.. papa Pian volunteered to baby sit her when he got the time... alongside with his fostered child... alalalallala sweet nye ^^

ok nak sambung study... writing just in order to get my head of things.. dah lama sangat tak menulis... *wipes sweat*

byyeeeeeee =*

this song reminds me of you

2011-10-15T23:07:00.000+08:00

this song came out in my playlist when i was emoing on the balcony...

and the lyrics remind me of you..

come home to me so that i can heal all your wounds and spoil you rot...

Michael Bublé - "Home"

Another summer day

Has come and gone away

In Paris and Rome

But I wanna go home, mmm

May be surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel all alone

I just wanna go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters

That I wrote to you

Each one a line or two

“I'm fine baby, how are you?”

Well I would send them but I know

That it's just not enough

My words were cold and flat

And you deserve more than that

Another airplane

Another sunny place

I'm lucky I know

But I wanna go home

Mmm, I got to go home

Let me go home

I'm just too far

From where you are

I wanna come home

And I feel just like

I'm living someone else's life

It's like I just stepped outside

When everything was going right

And I know just why you could not

Come along with me

That this was not your dream

But you always believed in me

Another winter day

Has come and gone away

In even Paris and Rome

And I wanna go home

Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by

A million people I

I still feel alone

Oh, let me go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home

I've had my run

Baby, I'm done

I gotta go home

Let me go home

It'll all be all right

I'll be home tonight

I'm coming back home

kamek sayang kitak

2011-10-13T19:56:00.004+08:00

based on my experience, 21 is nothing but awesome.. i dont get to have any mid-life syndrome and everything.. ok laaa.. fantastic jugak laaa... other than the fact i went to self sabotage.. abathen tu lain cerita laaa...

after i got home after my exam (after my 21st bday) my dad asked for my IC number and filled in borang Pengundi himself and have me registered sebagai salah seorang pengundi yang layak mengundi semasa Pilihan Raya... and few months after that ayah bagitahu that i'm officially a pengundi.. pasal borang tu BPR dah approve..

tak tau kenapa heading dengan isi boleh tak link.. abathen.. kamek sik heran bbooohh...

i'm easy.. senang je nak jaga.. any man would be lucky to have me.. seriously.. go and ask my first boyfriend.. and its easy to make my day... just say "kamek sayang kitak juak" when i text "kamek sayang kitak juak"

in my life i received the phrase kamek sayang kitak juak baru je dua kali.. and it made my day everytime... and everytime rase macam overflown with love and care... i dont know.. i dont wish for an iPad 2 from my loved ones, a new phone, a macbook pro, Farah Khan's dress, or whatever sekali laaaa... ntah laaa.. i'm easy.. you're lucky.. kan???

btw.. all of a sudden terpikir... adakah, sekiranya Pian yang cakap "oden sayang ekau" gonna make my day or will i shiver in terror??? =.="

bile October semakin dekat

2011-09-29T23:12:00.002+08:00

i posted Adele's Someone Like You previously since somehow the song reminded me of my first love.. there isn't much that i can say bout it other than it's true bout everyone said, love is the only feelings that allow for you to have every emotions mixed up in a tall cocktail glass... and to think i've never written anything bout him (yeah forgive for disappointing for anyone yang expect my first love to be a her)

whispers your name in every prayer

each dawn to be awaken by your longed image

smiling while your deep brown eyes stared me down

warm hands that pull me up

when i was down

words by words in keeping me detained

couldn't be more gracious

of our moments together

years waited for someone like you

and could never ask for more

as you're perfect the way you are

the feelings that never skips

the corner of my heart

nor exist as words

taking a step back

while i wish for nothing but the world

for you

adoiiii if only laaaa i'm creative enough to turn words into songs..

to simplify everything

2011-09-29T17:16:00.000+08:00

I heard that you're settled down

That you found a girl and you're married now

I heard that your dreams came true

Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you

Old friend, why are you so shy?

Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it

I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded

That for me, it isn't over

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you, too

Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

You know how the time flies

Only yesterday was the time of our lives

We were born and raised in a summer haze

Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it

I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded

That for me, it isn't over yet

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you, too

Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah

Nothing compares, no worries or cares

Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made

Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you

Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you, too

Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

somehow, in a way or another, this song reminds me of my first love..

what more to say.. to something that was never there to start with and thus nothing is there to end it..

but for a person that you once loved and still love you'd only wish for their happiness and hopes for the best..

namun adakah mengundur diri adalah yang terbaik bagi kedua belah pihak?

carbonara Monday

2011-09-26T00:04:00.000+08:00

its almost the same routine for me and the boys each Monday... Carbonara Monday is a must every week... and sometimes twice a week.. and that is when my boys really tired of the food in KTT.. and bile dah malas sangat nak masak or when we're out of mushroom (they like carbonara with mushrooms) baru laaa ke Hassan TomYam or to the kedai TomYam Mawar and carik ikan kukus.. my boys like the fishy to be steamed and not fried.. cause sometime tukang masak tu goreng sampai keras and kering... Baby liked it spicy whilst Sayang couldn't stand spicy food... and paling bangang laaaa kalau kitorang ke BBST bersama or selalunye berdua mesti bawak balik KFC for dinner cause that's the only thing we can find there..

now... i'm in a new place... dapur rumah baru pun dah sempurna dengan kehadiran tong gas yang penuh berisis methane..

and earlier today... i went to a small kedai runcit at my sister's place to buy some stuff... and masa nak membeli tu laaa banyak kali keadaan yang secara analogi nye bagai berjalan dan tergigit lidah...

masa pilih bawang, pilih bawang kuning instead of the usual bawang besar pasalnye Sayang tak suke bawang biase and die akan ketepikan kalau terjumpa bawang yang dipotong besar-besar and selalunye buat Carbonara memang bawang akan dipotong kasar...

tengok tomato, ooowwhhh kena pilih yang ranum, nanti Baby ratah masam sangat pulak

looking for some salad and i notice kat kedai tu takde ape jenis salad sekalipun.. and teringat yang dulu Sayang penah cakap the sandwich i made tasted awesome because the salad was fresh..

jumpe pulak udang kering and teringat pulak Sayang tak makan udang...

bile je fikir nak buat carbonara Monday terfikir lagi ade tak bekas nak isi carbonara dengan pasta kat rumah baru tu... and most importantly nak kena bawak senduk kayu sekali ke?? pasal dah geram sangat dengan Baby yang suke kutip mushroom kat kuah carbonara and leaving behind only the cream and pasta for Wayne yang kadang-kadang datang makan sekali... Baby kutip lagi mushroom tu hancur tangan tu kena ketuk..

sebelum ni i notice that most of my routine is actually influenced by the existence of those two... but only today i notice how much.. even bile terfikir nak ke Giant (which yang jauhnye lebih kurang tembok-KTT je) esok untuk carik pads and mushroom dah nak capai phone and ajak budak berdua tu berjalan sesame ke Giant... and same-same ke sushi king since i've been craving for some sushi for some time now... and also for some octopus or sotong kurita...

i miss my boys.. i miss having fights with them i miss bertengkar tak tentu dunia... watching Glee together.. i miss cuddling to my boys bile sejuk... i miss whining at them bile tengah menstrual cramp.. i miss the warm hugs bile rase tak selesa, and someone holding my hands and hold me on my waist.. at one point rase menyesal pulak confess that i'm no longer single...

wahai jodohku

2011-09-25T00:06:00.001+08:00

Apa khabar jodohku? Sihatkah? Berat rasanya kelopak mataku tertutup. Bagaimana dengan kamu? Apa kamu selalu terbangun disepertiga malam terakhir? Dan apakah mulutmu terasa menerus -menerus berzikir dimalam hari?

Jujur aku rindu kamu, wahai jodohku..

Tapi saat ini belum saatnya untuk kita bertemu, bukannya aku tak mahu, atau aku tak rindu. Tapi sememangnya kerana perjalanan kita masih panjang. Dan masih banyak kewajipan yg harus kita penuhi sayang. Kadang – kadang aku berfikir, apa nanti saat subuh tiba kau akan membangunkanku? Mengajakku bertafakur dan bersujud kepada-Nya?

Berat hati ini menantikanmu, gelisah pula hati ini memikirkanmu. Apa kau selalu hiasi langkahmu dengan kebaikan-kebaikan? Dan apakah nanti saat zuhur tiba, kau akan meninggalkan kesibukanmu sementara, untuk menghadapNya?

Jodohku, sihatkah kamu?

Kalau aku berada disamping mu saat ini, mungkin aku akan merawatmu dengan penuh kasih sayang.

Jodohku sabar dan tenanglah..

Aku disini masih bersabar menanti mu, Hatimu tidak terluka kan? senyumlah.. kerana aku yakin kebahagiaan akan selalu menyertai kita, Jikalau detik ini hatimu sedang terluka, berwuduklah.. dan mendekatlah diri kepada-Nya. Tetapi disini aku berharap kamu baik-baik saja..

Jodohku, aku rindu.

Bilakah kita akan bertemu? Begitu banyak hal yg ingin ku ceritakan kepadamu. Begitu banyak pula harapanku untuk menantikan nasihat – nasihat mu. Hati ini kosong.. dan hati ini tak sabar menanti kehadiranmu yang kan membalut dan menyembuhkan luka dihatiku.

Jodohku…

Adakah kau juga rindu padaku? Bagaimana dengan Quran mu? Sudahkah kau baca diantara maghrib dan isyak? Apa yang kau fahami dari surah itu? Ceritakanlah kepadaku.. Aku sedia mendengar, dan begitu juga dengan keluhanmu, aku sedia mendengarnya..

Apa perubahan yang kau lakukan dari hari ke hari sayang? semakin baikkah?

Aku berharap seperti itu, Jodohku..

disetiap langkahku dan seusai solatku..

ku bisikkan AL-Fatihah untukmu, agar kau selalu berada dijalan-Nya..

Sabarlah sayang, waktu-waktu ini bukanlah waktu yang lama..

Jangan sampai kau tersalah jalan sayang..

Jodohku..

nantilah aku, dengan perbagai kebaikan yang nantinya akan membawa Rahmat untuk kita, Jagalah dirimu dari hal-hal yang dilarang agama. Kerana aku mencintaimu secara tulus & ikhlas

Jodohku..

Bersiaplah kau untuk mencintaiku scara tulus dan mahu menerima segala kekuranganku. Dan membenarkanku dikala aku salah. Sayang… berusahalah membahagiakan orang tuamu… dengan menjaga sikapmu dan tuturkata mu.. Aku yakin kau adalah orang yang sabar, orang yang cekal membesarkan anak – anak kelak Jangan pernah merasa keseorangan.. kerana aku disini masih setia menantimu..

Jodohku..

kalau siang sudah berlalu.. pejamkan matamu dengan buaian doa, begitu juga ucapan doa dariku yang selalu menyertaimu…

Semoga ALLAH selalu menjadikan kita dijalan yang benar. Amin…

Jodohku..

Tak terasa penatku menaip pada keyboard ini, memang benar ini adalah tanda kerinduanku kepadamu,

Ingatlah sayang..

aku selalu ada untukmu..

Untuk itu jangan pernah kau merasa sendiri atau sepi..

Semoga kerinduanku ini akan terjawab, seiring berjalannya waktu.

Salam hormatku dan sayangku untukmu….

this is actually and article that was obtained from here...

cuma paling diharapkan (other than tak dapat suami yang tipikal lelaki Melayu) is that the love we share is till death do us part..

to my dear Muhammad Sufian

2011-09-06T03:05:00.000+08:00

to my dear,

the best way for me to arrange the things wish to say is by mengenang kembali liku-liku hidup kite, from... gee, i dont know, tepi gelanggang bola tampar kot, the first time i notice you.. mase tu rase macam awak kelakar gile.. and i was tempted to join kawad because of you... then teringat plak saat2 nak mengorat awak jd GB sy... time tu pun rase mcm kelakar jugak.. you're the first one to get my number pasal awak nak market kan korang punye dadih.. but... yang paling kelakar sekali laaaaa kan, the night awak emosi melampau depan sy sedangkan kite baru je kenal a few weeks and sy time tu pun tengah tak stabil.. but maybe before that sy dah emo dpn awak sampai buat drama depan mamak sampai tengah malam..
till today i still dont get the answer what triggered for us to be close to each other.. macam pelik pun ade pasal kejap sangat..

so teruskan cerita...
we're 2 and a half hour of time distant and thousands of miles apart. i wont be there through pain nor laughter, i might not even be with my phone 24/7 when you need me.. hence, may this be the last words to keep you accompanied through the times that i won't be there for you..

(click for better view)

memula sekali maybe the most chliche yang awak paling selalu sangat dengar.. with all my heart, sy mintak awak belajar laaa rajin-rajin, and as i said before don't ever slip off from your track, durings times you might feel jaded but during those times awak fikirkanlah untuk siapa awak buat semua ni, fikirkan semua orang yang ade belakang awak, supporting you and praying for you. it happened to me many times before, pasal benda kecik yang sy tak sanggup nak lalui even for a blink of an eye sy tanggung penyesalan seumur hidup. mungkin ade yang pernah cakap, lalui je semua pengalaman yang ada, but smart people learn from others, jadi belajar laa dari ape yang pernah sy went through dulu... hargai ape yang awak ade sekarang pasal walau susah macam mane sekalipun yang awak akan lalui atau awak pernah lalui sy harap awak faham yang bukan semua insan bertuah macam awak, anak FELDA but you are where you are now. i have to fight for my dad to allow me to study, jadi walau macam mane penat sekalipun, tolonglah hargai ape yang awak ade dan betapa hidup awak sebenarnye dah dipermudahkan. putting a little effort so that you don't have a lifetime of regrets.

awak,
life as we know it is easy, kite ade track and route yang kite boleh meniti berjalan, dan even if we find it hard, kite boleh merangkak untuk sampai ke mane yang kite nak.. better late than never kan? bukan di tempat sy untuk menentukan hala tuju hidup awak, tapi pilihan semuanya di tangan awak. macam mane awak nak lalui 5 tahun di sane adalah pilihan dalam tangan awak. tapi macam sy ckp sebelum ni, jgn buat something yang awak akan regret for the next 50 years of life just for 5 minutes of pleasure. life's never too unbearable for you to waste it..

awak,
i'm sorry for everything.. kalau ade terkasar bahasa (which memang obviously ade, kalau tak takkan FUCK YOU = I LOVE YOU, comes out every 5 minutes dekat meja makan)
sorry for the times i had been a skeptic that annoys your slutty ass, see keluar lagi, shit.. i cant stop cursing..
for the times i wasn't there for you when you needed me
for the times you had to be my punching bag
sorry for bringing you trouble with the people around us by just being with me
for making fun of you when the L word comes around
for ignoring the questions whether i miss you by changing the subject
for annoying you by my nag and negativity
and most importantly, sayang, i'm sorry for not being there to send you off on the day you went away..

sorry that you don't get to hear this from face to face but i'll miss you, you're the kind of person to be missed even when you're sitting in front of me,
i love you for being cuddly and warm, and yeah, thanks for sharing some body heat when i'm cold and for most of the times letting me alone in the cold while you enjoy the the warmth of my shawl.. gggrrrrrrr

thank you for always making me feel appreciated..
for cooping up with my craziness and for taking care of my babies when i got too busy and for loving them as if their yours...

in the end, i wrote this for you, i dont know anyone can make anything out of it since i know i'm not a very good writer... so here it goes..

rembulan menyinar beraja di langit malam

menyahut kala melaung hati merindu

sedng bintang menari di pentas mimpi

pungguk merindukan bulan bersenandung

menantinya hadir pujangga

untuk menyambung gurindam

sambil menanti hari esok

jiwa merintih kala hati berkata

pergilah sayang

menantinya dengan setia

melihat malam basah dengan alunan doa

by: Paramour of Ignorance

6th Sept 2011

3.03am

bye sayang, praying the best to come

jaga diri awak elok2 jangan sampai sakit lagi

i won't be there to take care of you when you're sick

kalau ade mase kenang laa sy dalam doa awak =]

words by Paramour #4

2011-09-05T15:13:00.002+08:00

Di ufuk barat mega merah seakan turut menangis
Permergian di lapangan langit berdarah
Burung terbang pulang ke sarang
Pilu memanggil
Bergema di pelusuk udara panggilan 'haiya' alla sollah'
Beratur umat berpusu ke masjid
Masih mencari jawapan pada seribu ketidakpastian
Yang seakan bergolak membuak
Senak di perut jiwa
Namun rasa tersekat di tekak
Tidak mampu untuk termuntah keluar
Dirinya miliknya
Namun tidak seperti kapal dagang
Dikemudi hanya oleh nakhoda

Lady in A Tower

2011-09-05T02:51:00.000+08:00

To the world I may present myself as this fat, obnoxious, eccentric and oh so unconventional bitch and if I’m and actual bitch I might take form as a pug mixed with a shepherd. Pelik kan?? And this post is another way to make me even weirder to some people. So try to figure out the real meaning of this story.

There’s a lady, being kept in a tall tower since birth in order to keep her chastity. Her only way to see the world is through the small window by her tower, through the small window the lady saw evil and she saw good but never once she experienced any.

Ever since small, this lady had drawn a mental picture of the lord she’s be thought to be married ever since she got her first rattle. She imagined him not to be perfect, oh yes, he has his flaws but he has nice teeth and a dimple on his left cheek hence when he smile she felt the world stop and the blue birds flown out of nowhere bringing a chain of daisies while bunny’s hopping bursting into song. His eyes might not be as blue as the sky, as a matter of fact, his eyes are darker than coal but she just loves it when his eyes become the door to his heart. And the list goes on and on. And I can continue but I don’t want to bore you.

And finally the lady reaches the right age for her to marry. Down the aisle she walks in her brilliant white gown while her face covered with her veil. Now, they’re husband and wife, he opened her veil and to her surprise he’s nothing like she had imagine. She’s now married to Frodo, good looking hobbit with a porcelain skin.

Dah kahwin, so kiranye memang normal laa for the lady to be baking a bun in the oven. But, sekarang ni, masalah, its her hubby’s baby, and not the baby of the lord that appeared in her dreams. Her babies won’t have her wavy locks and his dimple, her babies will be short, round eyes with long lashes and fair pale skin.

Persoalan sekarang ni, the lady will go through with the pregnancy, but will she love her baby as much as her imaginary baby??

Pelbagai kemungkinan yang berakar di pokok pemikiran ketika ini

Anyhow, sape berjaya merungkaikan cerita ni akan dihadiahkan cookies..

major excitement

2011-09-03T02:03:00.002+08:00

in less than 10 days, i'm proud to announce that i'll be back to SCHOOL!! wuuuhhhhuuuu

had a break for 4 months that most of my neurons are in their slowest reception yet.. badan pun dah lemah pasal dah lama sangat tak duduk di meja selama berjam-jam and study =D

yeeesss people, i'm super excited to be able to study, walaupun takde rezeki untuk sambung in local uni, but private pun to me is an honour..

i'm a hard core science student which less dirty or BDSM.. a major nerd which feels complete being among books and notes and work to do..

hence, i demand, for all of my buddies to be happy with me

and yeah sape rase die tak tanye lagi, you may personally ask me via FB cha, inbox me, text, whatever... but wall post akan dijawap dengan jawapan mengarut...

also good luck kepada yang dah nak A2,
best wishes Eric and Joey yang dah nak fly ke Indon,
papai Pian flying to Belgaum,
and have fun to my fellow former classmates yang bakal berterabur di Shah Alam

Words by Paramour #3

2011-09-02T19:11:00.000+08:00

sempena pemergian

dan juga perpisahan

yang bermula dengan pertemuan

thou Hesperus art celestial warrior

floats thee in the evening sky

beaming thou from greatness

Hesperus thou name being summoned

while me heart yearns

calling for thee

my eyes reach for the sky

looking while hoping for the

time that we can finally meet

to finally arrived

dinda Hesperus penutup sinar hari

kanda Eosphorus yang sulung menjengah hari

bersama mentari membawa

sinar dari hari ke hari

jauh terpisah dinda dari kanda

jauh kanda di timur menyinar di subuh hari

sedang dinda di barat

hadir saat mega meninggal langit senja

terpisah dek jarak dan masa

ternanti kanda akan bila masa

namun takdir kejam merampas dinda

namun kanda sedar

tanggungjawap menanti kita

srikandi gemilang

bergemerlapan megah

now, if only someone could crack

up the codes hidden in this post..

ape2 pun you have to make your

own study on this matter

enjoy =)

Eid-ul Fitr

2011-08-30T00:29:00.002+08:00

dikesempatan ini, saya ingin mengucapkan Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri kepada sahabat taulan..

samada yang berpeluang untuk pulang beraya setelah lama gile di rantauan, saudara baru yang berkesempatan meraikan hari kebesaran ini, rakan yang jauh di perantauan, yang pulang ke kampung, yang kali terakhir merayakannya di tanah air, yang merayakan Aidilfitri seorang diri tanpa keluarga...

best wishes to all my sweethearts...

Shahril

Sandy

Sufian

Shafiq

Eric

Ellie

Nora

Ashu (Sonne)

p/s: kalau rajin kite mesej laaaa dengan keras time raye since i don't celebrate nor appreciate raye very much.. tak buat cookies pun raye ni and serunding pun still lagi in consideration..

p/p/s: my mom told me open house raye ke3 usually we only invite families and relatives, but you guys are like family pun..

wajah paling comel

2011-08-26T00:30:00.000+08:00

i'm throwing the cutest face i can show while i say this..

i miss my boys..
i miss Baby and the way he wanted us to call him Princess, i miss Pian, i miss Eric and his cuddliness, and i miss Shahril while he tried putting every sense in the weirdest way imaginable..

i miss Wayne and Meor together,to me they're the role model of besties,

i miss molesting Ricky, i miss Willy and Ricky harassing Eric together..

i miss sharing the table with Joe and Eric and sometime Tripod which i'm having a hard time remembering his name.. Khairul is it?

i miss harassing the kids while they're studying.. malam2 supper together in mamak after we study..

ahh the good old times and how we all have to apart and go on our separate ways chasing after our dream and fulfilling our responsibilities.. and Baby suck to be you since you're still in KTT..

rindu pulak nak tengok yang emo and menangis... they're the cuddliest and cutest during those moment... aaahhhhaakkkss =P

*hugs*

=(^,^)=

a bite of the forbidden fruit

2011-08-24T14:55:00.000+08:00

the fable of the forbidden fruit starts since he earliest of time of evolution of human, since the first the man and woman, Adam and Eve once kicked out of heaven and living the real life... Eve was tempted by the demon disguised as a snake while she who can't stand imagining being tossed out of heaven alone without Adam tempt him to take a bite of the forbidden fruit..

legend once foretold of a beautiful princess living in a cursed life with her jealous step-mother... the Queen tried to kill her by paying a hunter to bring her deep into the forest.. but being charmed by her exceptional beauty and innocence, he let her go.. she ran away deep into the forest only to find a life with seven bearded maggots (insert fetish sense here)

being a fabulous princess who once lived the life of rich and famous and tired of being the slave of the seven pathetic lil men, she advertised herself to be saved by any handsome princes in coloured thighs and $500 haircut..
hence, she got her luck, but in order to trick him to get to bed with her, she first must take a bite from the forbidden fruit... and by the first kiss the prince is tricked to spend the rest of his life in living that demented piece of meat when he's supposedly take over the kingdom of Fags and to have his castle's fool help him run the country side by side day and night faithfully lending the new king a hand and sometimes his wise mouth..

but as i can see nowadays.. more and more people are trapped into taking a bit from the modern day forbidden fruit.. and i'm not proud of it, once i was lured in sinking my teeth into one or two forbidden fruit... as one of my geeks once told, being poisoned by the Steve Job's poisoned is almost like amphetamine, its highly addictive.. and once you take to much it may lead to delusions and paranoia.. hence jangan start.. cause when you do you can never back off..

a new beginning

2011-08-23T01:11:00.001+08:00

my new journey will start in the mid of September (insya allah) in a new private university locating in a middle of brick forest and the only wild animals i can find are stray dogs and cats and crows... menakotkan... and my first impression towards that place is not bad.. and it actually made the old place look like a dead body dumping place... my new place don't have any view.. seriously... no more old buildings, no more hillside and no more angin sepoi-sepoi bahasa dan aktiviti mengira lampu... that place is a bit messed up dengan jam and everything.. UM dulu pun tengah bandar jugak.. but hutan dalam bandar... and KTT memang rimba dalam hutan...

so... the thing is.. the question that bugs me..
what sort of of first impression that i should layer out?

obviously i won't show up my true colours on the first day or even the first year... tolong laaa.. in KTT pun it took me one a half year and yet only to certain people..

paling kelakar i even thought about being a typical gadis kampung.. baju kurung, tudung and everything.. comel kan??

i need to learn self control...

lepas ni tak boleh dah nak tengok Davey Wavey and BScoot videos in youtube.. not even Chris Crocker.. and perkataan gay tu tak boleh lepas dari mulut..

all my make-ups will be sealed.. ke kelas pakai bedak baby je.. no more my collection of designer perfumes...

and penipuan tersebut berterusan... i might even stop using English in front of others.. since my slangs are intimidating to some especially my lisp on S..
and gambar dekat FB akan dihide.. i even delete the link to my blog on FB..

abathen.. i'm not deleting the smoochie pics in my phone..biar laaaa menjadi kontroversi seketika.. muuuuaaaagagag

the small small thing

2011-08-19T22:42:00.000+08:00

bulan puasa... the small small thing that you never pay attention to

for example a clear tall glass half filled with ice and we pour some coloured clear drink macam teh-o ais, coke, sirap, lemonade or even air limau can be the most awesome view

slumber

2011-08-17T13:59:00.002+08:00

notice how some people gets super pissed when someone wakes em up from their sleep.. and cats, no matter what you do, if you wake em up from their sleep, the most they do is yawn and mengeliat sane sini sikit and go back to sleep... in some cases, the cat might show a bit of rebel, they jump to a place that you won't reach em and go back to their slumber..

now... if i may... zzzZZZzzzZZZ

Big Girls Don't Cry

2011-08-16T17:39:00.000+08:00

something to keep me going on...

somehow, i feel related to this song..

The smell of your skin lingers on me now

You're probably on your flight back to your home town

I need some shelter of my own protection, baby

To be with myself and center

Clarity, peace, serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know

That this has nothing to do with you

It's personal, myself and I

We've got some straightenin' out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I've got to get a move on with my life

It's time to be a big girl now

And big girls don't cry

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry

The path that I'm walkin', I must go alone

I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown

Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?

And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

I hope you know, I hope you know

That this has nothing to with you

It's personal, myself and I

We've got some straightenin' out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I've got to get a move on with my life

It's time to be a big girl now

And big girls don't cry

Like the little school mate in the school yard

We'll play jacks and Uno cards

I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine

Valentine

Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to

'Cause I want to hold yours too

We'll be playmates and lovers

And share our secret worlds

But it's time for me to go home

It's getting late, dark outside

I need to be with myself, and center

Clarity, peace, serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know

That this has nothing to do with you

It's personal, myself and I

We've got some straightenin' out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I've got to get a move on with my life

It's time to be a big girl now

And big girls don't cry

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry

pintu

2011-08-16T01:51:00.001+08:00

people often said,

"if one door closes,

another one opens.."

but for how long may i keep my optimism?

even so it opens

but what if there's something blocking my way

in math we learn about limits

and i finally come to my limit...

dada dah sebu..

i need someone i can talk to

but everybody's busy

and I'll be raining on their parades

sayang, how i wish i can talk to you ಥ_ಥ

3 tahun

2011-08-15T06:40:00.002+08:00

three years in KTT surely brings some ups and downs in life.. like i often said to most of my friends, tempat jatuh lagikan dikenang, inikan pula tempat belajar bercinta... but as i mean it tempat berkasih... and surely i've experience a lot of things.. KTT as we may see it, rumah kedai 2 deret dengan 13 tangga yang penuh dengan drama... so, as promised, this post is about my three years in KTT...

Sem 1
there aren't much to talk about during my first sem since i was still in my shell and observe... and yet people seem to have a certain dislike of me... abathen... when people start to pull their faces i started to say, biasalaaa.. orang kampung memang macam tu.. yeeaaahh as ignorant as i sound, i am from a small town girl who knows too much and unlike the typical gadis desa, i'm the kind that likes to party hence do the math..
during hari lecturer i was the main character in a play and since that character was annoying enough to raise some hair of people's neck it named me as the drama queen for the rest of my stay in KTT...
hujung sem i had a crush on this guy. and this crush that's strong enough for me to be stalking him for the rest of his one year program... nasib baek one year only.. if two years i dont know what sort off sick action i might develop...

like any other juniors, i was amazed by the view uphill and on the way up

Sem 2
FESKOT.. and that time FESNI belum ade lagi... and from FESKOT we started to berkenalan dengan a few A-Level students, MARA.. and bla bla bla since i always accompany my friend yang terpaksa berkawad i get to know a few of the guy's i had a crush on punye classmate.. and we hit off very well.. and from one to another...
ok.. one time.. i was left alone at kenanga house.. so i went to look for some fun.. and that was how i meet Ash and we were formally introduce ourselves to each other... and since the chemistry was too strong terpaksa laaa kitorang berkawan baik.. ok honey, don't kill me... saje je letak terpaksa...
once upon an evening... naek laaa ke bukit bersama-sama dengan Izureen, Dashkna and also Ikha(one of my roomies) and kat atas bukit laaa first time berkenalan dengan Shahril.... even though ade cerita sebenar nye awal sem tu..
time tu weekend, somehow KTT sangat laaaa kosong nye time tu... kami tengah berjoli in SL while watching Juara Lagu... and ade laaa a couple of A-Level students.. and tetiba the guys datang pasal that moment there was this kid yang jual jersi.. and i was like sibuk2 sekali... bla bla bla that's how i got my AC Milan jersey even though i hate football.. and tengah tengok AJL tu laaa i rose a question to my friend and weird enough the weird dude next to me answered it. dalam hati berkata "pelik nye budak A-Level ni" ok.. sebelum ape2.. Shahril, i waf you, and dont try to be funny after you read this...

and i look and him up and down when he wasn't looking bertambah lagi kutukan dalam hati "pelik and selekeh, macam bukan A-Level je" but i know that you're an A-Level student pasal nampak buku kat tangan.. impossible ade budak diploma yang pegang buku other that buku yang terpaksa kena bawak... and the title of the book seems smart... hahaha and betol laaaa orang cakap... never put a judgement on someone before you get to know that person.. and i never know how we'll end up in the future.. and i forgot bout you till we were introduced... and paling best.. i dont recall i ever talk to you till you almost leave the country... and 2 AJL had past since that incident...
malam akhir sem 2 kite lepak bersama... that evening i promised to meet you in mamak since you wanted to grab some songs from me.. and i forgot.. lupe gila gila.. and somehow i went there a lil late.. and duduk bawah payung kuning. and you came to me... and aku menjerit pasal aku terkejut ade menda gelap yang dalam gelap menegur aku... bla bla bla kite pun mengumpat sepuas hati malam tu sampai tak ingat dunia..

Sem 3
pindah rumah baru...
and sem tu laaa mula rapat gila dengan Shahril.. awal sem Sandy nak stalk sorang budak ni, me and Shahril helped her... using my power as the penjaga kaunter lib... kurang haja sungguh kan ;P
and still i dont know her name.. and lupe macam tu je... same kes macam Shahril... and to think bout it the same as Ellie... aaaaand eeerrmmm hhmmmm Capek.. yeah... kenal lupa and kenal balik and we hit off..
okie... continue.. sem tu laaa bermula segala therapy dengan Shahril and everything.. as he put it, "aku baik dengan kau pasal aku dapat free internet and pasal kau selalu belanja aku makan je"
one evening.. petang puasa.. i was with Intan bawah payung kuning.. and i saw Shahril was walking with this kenit girl.. and then tetiba after a while he came to me binging a phone and tetiba ade 2 orang budak kenit belakang die ikot sekali.. seorang laki sorang perempuan.. that was the day i was formally introduced to Sandy... and time tu tak tau lagi name Sandy tu name bukan Islam die..and she even promised to add me on FB.. tetiba je pelik kenape ade minah name Syakirah yang add kat FB and paling kelakar nye, Snady uses her pic with Syak time tu =.=" so yeaaaahhhh...i thought Syak yang add.. nasib approve.. pasal time tu mane kenal Syak lagi..
and hujung sem tu laaa baru berjinak jink dengan blogging...before that Shahril and Sandy warned me that blogging is suppa addictive.. i don't stop after that.. even ade yang konon2nye nak berjinak-jinak dengan blogging after i did pun dah stop... betul-betul istiqamah dengan blogging cuma the purpose of blogging je dah lari..

and from Sandy i was formally introduced to Ellie, somehow.. when Shahril introduced us i barely even know her.. but i know her from the lib counter.. aaahahahha pelik kan?
and malam last sem tu macam sayang sangat nak tinggalkan diorang and balik bercuti... they won't be there when i come back.. pasal diorang tengah A2 time tu... and the best part that night was when i asked Shahril whether he ever found me to be pretty.. and wajahnya yang tidak mampu untuk menipu itu telah mengiya kannya XD

Sem 4
sem 4 i made a bitter (somehow i don't even know why) sort of a comeback since my last pointer drop like heck the sem befrore.. that time i already exchange to another room and have Emy as my new roommate.. and i enjoy having her a lot... she's not needy and requires major attention... i don't have to spend time with her and she's really independent... and what's important, die tak pernah menyebok hal orang lain... and to me that's awesome.. and i really enjoy mengacau die tidur... to me its like the happy fun time...
and till the moment they come back for KI, i spent my time with Zawir..
early March you guys came back for KI... once again Ash and Shahril were classmates.. and the funny part was Shahril nominated himself to be the classrep and die buat kerja separuh jalan and during the other half of KI he neglected his responsibilities and Ash had to do all the class work and that totally pissed her off.. hahaha my reaction towards that was "sape suruh korang percayakan die, bukan tak tau perangai die macam mane"
once upon a night... how to put it.. it wasn't a fight.. it wasn't a therapy either.. we can't call it talking since most of the time we were screaming.. but senang cakap.. me and Shahril were exchanging words laaaa.. and for the first time that sem i opened up to him bout the problems i had throughout the sem.. and malam tu jugak laaa i told him "i'm gonna be very lonely next sem.. korang semua dah takde" and all of a sudden we were discussing bout i should find a replacement and i said "i don't like the word replace" okie then, we find an addition to the list.. so i told Shahril i wanted him to be gay.. and paling kelakar nye malam tu.. during the words exchanging words Gab was with us for a while and he made some random wild assumption yang buat orang hilang selera makan.. and malam tu jugak laaaa i first notice Pian since Shahril pointed him out as one of his housemates and maybe as my future company... and because of that i was intriguing to participate in kawad... and there i get to know Eric and also Pian..
that sem jugak laaaaa kite ke Klang we went to Ash's place... and that sem jugak was the first time i ever spend the night out and tak balik till it was 5am.. lawak jugak laaaa.. since at first we were only went to Giant to fix Shahril's watch.. and we decide to go to McD for ice-cream and ayam.. and konon2nye i wanted to study and he wanted to FB.. so berlalunye malam tersebut, and FYI, i still keep your paper graffiti art..
sekali lagi rase macam berat hati nak balik ke rumah untuk bercuti sem tu since in my mind i will never see you again for the rest of my life.. or plaing kejap pun 6 tahun akan datang..

sem 5
i was a bit skeptic bout coming back to college as nothing was waiting for me there... and all of a sudden, the night before i made my comeback Pian IMed me.. and finally we made a deal bout dinner the next night.... and sebenarnye anxious jugak laaaa.. pasal dah sebulan lebih tak jumpa and then you're coming back to grab your check in JPA..
so petang sebelum dinner tu i put on my t-shirt and terus naik ke bukit sesorang.. and i wasn't covering my hair... and on my way coming down, i saw Pian.. kelakar kot since in my head he was this budak surau that was aimed to be my next company.. waktu tu macam ALAMAK!! mane nak sorok ni!! budak ni dah lambai2, mane nak cover rambut ni!!! later that sem laaaaa baru tau yang Pian pun seekor setan jugak.. hahahaa sorry sayang...
sem tu jugak laaaa i sent Shahril away for 65 months..

for my thesis i bought four guinea pigs that i used for my experiment... and yang tinggal hanya Angel and Demon, but now dedua dah mati... so till now i'm still begging for a new piggy from my sayang....
and that sem, during the 1st week of Ramadhan i went home... and bila balik from Kuala laaa first encounter Capek kat KTM and asked him whether he wanted to share a cab.. and die pun malu2 cakap ye... OMG, geli laaa ingat balik Capek malu2...
and after few weeks after that baru laaaaa berkenalan mesra dengan Capek... that night i asked Pian whether he got time for ice-cream.. and he said ok abathen tetiba pulak bila dah siap pakai tudung dah pun he texted me "KAK mas, sori bla bla" i shrieked kegelian dengar perkataan KAK tu.. i was like eeeeeuuuwwwwwwww... but still i went out jugak laaaa. and t turned out dekat college ade celebration National Day.. i hung up with Eric and Joe waiting for the celebration to start.. and waktu tu laaa baru berkenalan dengan Wayne and also Capek... waktu tu baru jugak laaa baru tau yang Capek sebenarnye Islam and melayu =.="
and sometimes we use his not so melayu face as a privilege macam time maghrib kitorang lalu sebelah surau Taman Mawar, otw nak balik from pasar malam we pretended to be Chinese untuk kurangkan rase bersalah...
and dalam sebulan almost two months jugak laaaa kite bertiga jadi makin rapat.. close enough for me to decide to celebrate Halloween with you guys.. malam tu was the first time i hold your hands.. pelik gila pegang tangan korang... masing2 macam keras je... waktu tu macam nak gelak pun ade.. "sah ebudak ni tak penah pegang tangan perempuan.. kelakar sunguh" and dengan penuh nakal nye laaa betina 2 ekor tu kena sakat sepanjang pagi... dapat hadiah birthday paling bermakna from those two... rase macam nak penampar je bila ingat balik, the limelight was suppose to be on me that night ..
and that sem pun rase macam berat nak balik pasal hometown sangat bosan.. but i didn't stop texting you guys... and cuti tu a bombshell was dropped and yang tu tak payah cerita kat sini...

sem 6
dibuka dengan kisah i waited for Pian in BTS for an hour.. pasal die balik celebrate new year with his boys school boys friends.. and kitorang pun kelaur ke TS and tengok wayang berdua because Capek didn't want to join us...
sem 6 kite start aktiviti dengan mendownload sebanyak mungkin any gay movies we can lay our hands on.. and once upon a time we even made a mini theater in the lib and invite Wayne to come and watch with us.. once upon an evening, lib still lagi kosong and my schedule was still empty since jadual pun tak keluar lagi me and Pian spend time in lib and bukak vid mamat ngan minah Indon dry humping tepi pantai... =.=" tertipu sebenarnye...

for Feskot and Fesni me and Pian were separated in two different houses.. me and Capek were in the same house and Capek obviously was crowned to be the President.. tapi masalah sungguh.. name je rumah lain.. but i had to be his assistant throughout FESNI.. sampai demam teruk jugak laaa.. and i wonder he remembers that.. for FESKOT and FESNI our house won.. tapi macam takde perasaan je... since our family was parted into two different houses that time..
and sem tu kite banyak study je.. and we were together KTT bergoncang... dengan gelak ketawa and hiruk pikuk..

so that's the summary of 6 sems in KTT.. and some stories are told and some stories are better for me to keep.. takkan cerita between family nak dicerita jugak sekali... some stories pun too personal for me to tell..

teru teru bozu

2011-08-12T20:13:00.001+08:00

bukannya teruna pujaan jiwa etc.. but teru teru is some sort of a Japanese charm that people hang during rainy days hoping that the sun will shine again and the rain will leave..

i feel like hanging one in my room right now since i don't know when will i start bursting to tears when will it stop...

3 minggu

2011-08-12T18:17:00.003+08:00

dah genap 3 minggu.. tapi still haven't heard anything from UPU, thus, shall i consider that there's no opening for me ye.. and masih gagal untuk mendapat tempat...

what is left for me to hold on??

lepaskan apa saja yang ada dan biarkan diri hanyut dalam deras sungai...

rayuan demi rayuan

2011-08-12T01:45:00.001+08:00

well to be honest, i'm not that bright and i'm not that smart... i wasn't the brightest one in my family and among my friends.. to put the icing on the cake not the luckiest one either.. and this is not my first time either that i have to beg for them to place me anywhere.. ye laaa beg laaa since rayuan if translate means beg jugak kan??

kesah yang pertama...

i was bit frustrated lepas tak dapat offer from mane2 UPU after SPM but still i can live with it since banyak gila offer lain yang boleh tahan luamayan jugak termasuk foundation kat MMU and also matrix.. i was offered a year matrix in Gopeng... and yet i wanted to go to the 2 years program since my brother kept on barking my i MIGHT not cope up with the one year program.. lantas bersedia laaa kite nak masuk matrix...
one day.. we went to Shah Alam and pay my sister a visit.. and we spent quite some time jugak kat sane since time tu takde kambing lagi thus nak holiday lame2 pun ok je.. and kucing pun ade sekor je... and he was more than ok to be left alone at home with a tingkap wide open and a box of Whiskers opened up for him in the kitchen..
thus, on one Sunday morning, we were on our way home from our travel when we got a phone call bout a friend to the family past away and from there we went directly to their place... after a couple of hours there baru laa kitorang sampai ke rumah..
and baru je jejak kaki ke rumah we got another phone call on the land line and we thought it was my sister calling asking where we were.. and my dad answered it... and he got into a quite a long conversation and tak laaa pulak orang tua tu jawap
"hah dah sampai bla bla bla "
he answered more of a
"oh ye ke.. bla bla bla terima kasih"
and he quickly told us that was PASUM calling bout an offer for me to further my studies...
and i quickly went online with my old PC yang dah hancur tinggal tulang after i gave it to my brother.. there i found out i was offer Foundation in Life Science and i was thrilled... abathen rase macam dipermainkan takdir pun ade jugak... since for the rayuan, i applied for Diploma in Veterinary (UPM) as my first choice and AH (UM) as my second... so crazy enough i went for it...

dan kesah yang kedua...

tak tau laaaa ape yang bakal tertulis since the story is still going on... if only i can have a peek at what's written in Loh Mahfuz mungkin segala persoalan bakal terjawap.. i like surprises but i hate waiting just to find out the ending, hence every time i watch any Korean drama i will skip the mid part and went straight to the last episode.. and my boy told me
"sebab tu laaa awak takde jiwa"
nak buat macam mane.. since we know each other lepas i sold my soul to satan... (konon2 nye laaaa)

so.. let's just pray for the best... and i'm happy for both my boys yang sorang straight 4 As for AS and sorang lagi lepas untuk fly and got to pick which Uni he can go some more... untung laaa.. rezeki masing-masing kan.... =]
untung sabut timbul, untung batu tenggelam..
hopefully for the one still waiting for his IELTS result may achieve 9 as he hoped for... amen..

at one point in my life

2011-08-11T21:59:00.001+08:00

bulan puasa, and i'm not suppose to have this kind of feelings.. but every time my mom opens her mouth it was as if the sky is falling down crushing on me...

tak elok nak cakap macam ni and every mom would want the best for her daughter...

but right now lagu ni that sums up about what happen in my life so far...

Linkin Park- In the End

It starts with

One thing I don't know why

It doesn't even matter how hard you try

Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme

To explain in due time

All I know

Time is a valuable thing

Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings

Watch it count down to the end of the day

The clock ticks life away

It's so unreal

Didn't look out below

Watch the time go right out the window

Trying to hold on, but didn't even know

Or wasted it all just to watch you go

I kept everything inside

And even though I tried, it all fell apart

What it meant to me will eventually be

A memory of a time when

I tried so hard and got so far

But in the end it doesn't even matter

I had to fall to lose it all

But in the end it doesn't even matter

One thing, I don't know why

It doesn't even matter how hard you try

Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme

To remind myself how

I tried so hard

In spite of the way you were mocking me

Acting like I was part of your property

Remembering all the times you fought with me

I'm surprised

It got so far

Things aren't the way they were before

You wouldn't even recognize me anymore

Not that you knew me back then

But it all comes back to me in the end

You kept everything inside

And even though I tried, it all fell apart

What it meant to me will eventually be

A memory of a time when

I tried so hard and got so far

But in the end it doesn't even matter

I had to fall to lose it all

But in the end it doesn't even matter

I've put my trust in you

Pushed as far as I can go

And for all this

There's only one thing you should know

I've put my trust in you

Pushed as far as I can go

And for all this

There's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard and got so far

But in the end it doesn't even matter

I had to fall to lose it all

But in the end it doesn't even matter

wish that i can go back to me fun upbeat self...

i wonder if my journey really ends here?

walaupun diri tak mengizinkan?

sometimes i feel like taking a break maybe a year and go backpacking so i can see the world,

but i already had a late start in life..

Words by Paramour #2

2011-08-10T17:41:00.001+08:00

tik tok
detik saat jam di dinding
menghayun randik
ke kanan ke kiri
setia dengan masa
obedient to an changes
faithful in anyways
observing dengan taat
masih wujudkah harapan?
tik tok
tik tok

semakin hari

2011-08-06T23:52:00.003+08:00

semakin diri hilang dari kewujudan.. not literally, but for those that knows me might realize that i'm unlike i used to be... semakin lama semakin hilang dalam kabus...

risau jika diri semakin hilang till i can no longer find myself.. after months i finally found the cause of it.. but some things are just too freaking personal for me write bout..

rindu akan hadir nya seorang sahabat karib yang sentiasa meletakkan dirinya kedua dalam setiap perbincangan dan perbualan.. rindukan hadirnya seorang rakan yang mampu memberikan kata dan sumbangan moral agar diri kembali bangun.. rindu dengan mesej2 bodoh yang tak kena tempat but seeing that name appeared from my phone is enough to make my day and pushing the mischievous back to Pandora Box.. rindu nak dengar suara teman yang sengau2 pasal selsema but warming my heart, enough to me teary pasal terharu.. as far as i know from my experience, the smallest thing like "chaiyok chaiyok" from the person that matters to you dah cukup to fuel you up while studying..

kadang-kadang, i forgot what its like to have a serious mature conversation that doesn't end with people calling me fat and telling me that every problem that had been arranged upon me is because of my weight and bla bla bla because of me being fat lalalalla fat fat fat fat fat, i've nothing to live for bla bla bla jangan mati sekarang but lepas malam ni boleh mati dah, bla bla bla... sounded silly but ntah laaa.. bile tengah serabut susah nak terima menda shit macam ni... so the easiest solution, bila orang tengah bersembang i put on my invisible earphones and sing lullaby silently in my head.. when they ask anything i shut myself and bukak topic lain.. risau yang bila hati tengah serabut jadi lagi serabut and kacau ergo my own existence cease from reality... i know that i have nothing to offer... far from being called nice and good.. but i'm blessed with caring friends that i assume love me more than i can love myself..

penat... penat menyimpan sedu dan airmata...

Gadis dan Bunga

2011-08-05T21:30:00.000+08:00

"Berlenggang dia berjalan

Si gadis tersayang manja

Jelingan yang manja

Menuju dia ke kota

Di tangannya penuh bunga

Di hati penuh cinta

Berbagai macam bunga di bawa

Untuk dijual di gerai mama"

that's a part of a song Gadis dan Bunga yang kekadang macam best nak dengar...

once, a question was asked to me

S: awak, kalau ade lelaki yang bagi awak bunga, ape perasaan awak?
M: depending on who..
S: if its from a guy yang awak sayang?
M: aaauuuuuuwwwwwww~!!!!!!
S: what is it with girl and flowers?
M:.......

and M tak jawap soalan cause die penat memandang ke kedai-kedai berderet di TS yang menjual kasut pelbagai jenis..

sebetulnya, i like flowers, as a matter of fact i adore flowers... i love being surrounded by thousands of flowers, but i dont wish to spend thousands of flowers on my wedding.. but as a gift i'm more pleased to receive stuffed animals and chocolates rather than flowers...

and to be more honest, when a man ravished a lady with flowers, i have this thought about their relationships aren't going to last...

pasalnye.. like the flowers, his love might be true, be it won't be forever.. lambat laun, bunga akan layu dan menjad debu...

and paling penting, kalau perempuan dah betul-betul sayangkan lelaki tu, bagi ape pun die tak kisah... birthday wish 2 minggu lewat pun die still suke lagi, text sekali sehari even maxis and celcom bagi SMS free pun is enough to make her day... it's the though that counts, so jangan cakap laaa bout mountains of diamonds and what not...

abathen, i love roses.. red and white ones... maybe untuk hand bouquet during wedding yang tak mungkin terjadi je kot =P

jangkaan rangkaan

2011-08-01T23:33:00.001+08:00

apa yang akan terjadi di masa depan... kita manusia yang serba kekurangan hanya mampu untuk merancang.. sungguhpun rancangan itu kita simpan biar matang selama 18 tahun, namun kuasa untuk menunaikan rancangan itu biar jadi kenyataan hanya berada di tangan Allah S.W.T...

sebagai insan yang sentiasa khilaf dengan nikmat sehingga lupa diri setiap yang terjadi akan ditangisi sambil menyalahkan apa yang pernah terjadi dan menuding jari ke semua arah...

am i ready on whatever consequences on my actions? salah diri sendiri kerana tak mampu nak mengawal emosi serta tak mampu untuk menerima qada serta qadar... kalau dah termaktub di loh mahfuz untuk aku tidak ke sana, siapa aku hanya manusia yang kurang segala kederat untuk menyatakannya dan melawan arus yang Allah telah tetapkan...

despite everything i said now, mampukah aku nanti redha dengan ketentuan yang Illahi?

last sems

2011-08-01T21:45:00.000+08:00

one thing i kinda regret after going through 3 years in KTT is that i never got the chance to buka puasa with some of my closest friends there...

i got the chance to buka puasa with my classmates in Saba' restaurant, Tasek Idaman with my housemates, McD Alamanda with the the girls in my batch, once with Pian during Ramadhan with my housemates in mamak lepas tu kami mengumpat dengan girang selepas housemates dihalau pulang dan sebelum Pian dipanggil pulang untuk Maghrib oleh housemate which somehow was watching us from afar.. menakotkan...

eventhough i first had a chat with Capek was during the first week of Ramadhan, cerita i went home (Kuale) to have the first Ramadhan with my family and kat KTM Nilai i saw him dan die pun ditegur with a question,

"hi student KTT kan?? nak kongsi cab balik?"

dan maka bermula dari situ, setiap kali Capek saw me in KTT he sort off errrmmm how to put it... senyum malu-malu kucing while i was like,
"owh come on kid, we shared a cab, and that's it... forget it... tak yah laaaa wat macam we had a thing between us..."

and we were formally introduced during the night of 30th August 2011, during the Merdeka celebration.. malam tu pun ade cerita jugak.. i made a plan with Pian to have ice-cream together.. but he made a last minute cancellation cause he went out with his friends... and paling kelakar, he texted me

"kak mas, sori bla bla bla..."

i shrieked to the way he called me... aneh seeeyyhhhh... geli pun ade...

and during the couple of month the three of us grow closer to each other.. close enough to trash talk each other... and calling each other bitches and whores and sluts.. teringat pulak during the first few months, everytime Capek wanted anything from my plate, he would ask for it.. and i was like

"tolong laaaa jangan sopan sangat.. geli aku..." or something like
"kau ingat aku kesah ke?? amik je laaaa"

and his reply towards everything..

"aku ade manners lagi"

and somehow, after few months, he manage to steal everything from my plate including sudu dan garfu senyap2 tanpa ade orang sedar.. the moment kepala dipaling semula, air oren dah habis separuh, ayam goreng dah hilang secebis, sayur dah lesap, eeehhhh tadi kan ke dah amik sudu ngan garfu, mane pegi nye spoon and fork???

we were close enough for me to make plans with them for my birthday.. and yeah.. thanks sayang for every 'gifts' you pledge to me on my 21st birthday... nggeeeeeeeeeee =D *rolling eyes*

jarang2 Eric ade sekali dengan kite since he was busy with A2....

masuk je sem 6, once in a while kite puase sunat same2.. and usually we picked Monday untuk puasa... my class was till 7 on every Monday... and tia kali tu jugak laaaa i had to make carbonara for buka puasa.. lari lari balik ke rumah untuk masak and mandi and lari balik ke kolej untuk buka puasa..

setiap kali buka puasa, Capek or Pian baca doa, kita aminkan same2... sambil makan kite mengumpat, and make a comment kenapa carbonara hari ni termasin... and usually they were like, never mind, since makan dengan pasta pun... and takpe laaaa puasa pun... and kadang2 Wayne will join us, tu pun lepas dah nak habis... and bila tak habis, any of the boys will take the left overs home and bagi housemate diorang makan... "nak buat macam mane," as Pian woud say it "budak SBP memang kebulur".. macam die bukan budak SPB...

pagi tadi sahur teringat pulak.. budak2 ni bangun ke untuk sahur... not worried sangat bout Pian, since he's with his family but Capek had some issues with setting an alarm on his phone.. and housemates die pun perangai selekeh... dah tau orang tak bangun taknak pulak tolong bangunkan... and terfikir pulak... do i need to call them to make sure diorang dah bangun ke belum... ape yang diorang sahur pagi ni?? Capek still lagi combine kan buka puasa and sahur ke? Pian still lagi sayang kan tidur dari sahur ke?

and tadi bila bukak puasa teringat pulak time bukak puasa same2 sambil mengintai orang lalu lalang... buka puasa time same2 busy dengan FESNI and everything...

diploma yang ambik masa 3 tahun... and setahun yang pertama macam tak ade banyak kenangan.. masuk tahun kedua dah mula nak build a memory... dan from there develop bermacam emotions along the way...

from the first person i know, Ash.. then Izureen introduce me to Shahril, and from Shahril, Sandy and from Sandy Ellie... after sometime, Shahril manage to convince me to get to know Pian and masuk kawad, from there kenal dengan Eric.. and from Pian i know Din that replaced Shahril in their house and by knowing Din i know Capek...

tipu sungguh laaa kalau hati tak terhiris langsung the moment i sent you guys away... sorang demi sorang left in order to chase after their dreams and fulfilling responsibilities... and tipu jugak laaaa if i say i don't miss you guys at all and korang langsung tak terkesan kat hati..

if diberi kesempatan lagi, kite akan bukak puasa same2 and raya same2... insya-allah..

p/s: nanti laaa.. sempena convo nak cerita about three years in KTT.. =]

Marhaban yaaa Ramadhan

2011-07-31T23:32:00.004+08:00

first and foremost i'd like to wish for all my pals around the world a happy blessed Ramadhan... no matter where you are i hope that all of us will be blessed with happiness and success.. ameen...

so when people start talking about puasa, it ain't just about restraining yourself from hunger and thirst but also perkara2 yang mendatang dosa.. either as a small dosa as such wasting time, facebooking, blogging, tweeting, youtubing, menonton drama korea tak sudah, mengarot tak habis etc and a bigger sin such mengumpat dan memfitnah... abathen i believe all of you get that a lot from everywhere..

and some might say that Ramadhan adalah bulan untuk membersihkan diri dari dosa dan memperbanyakkan pahala, sesungguhnya setiap ibadah yang dijalankan di bulan puasa akan digandakan... abathen, i don't feel like i'm the right person to talk about dosa and pahala.. siape leeee kite, hanye manusia yang khilaf dengan ilmu yang dengkel..

tapi tak kira bila masa sekalipun, when we talk about ibadah, moleklah kiranya jika dilakukan dengan ikhlas dan istiqamah...

mungkin jarang yang well aware off the hakikat sebenar about jihad... and to make things clear for some of my non-muslim friends, jihad is not only about suicide bombing and war... jihad is mainly about struggle and making efforts about everything and not just about war and freedom... sedangkan jihad di medan perang adalah dikira sebagai jihad kecil berbanding ibu yang shahid di tilam demi melahirkan sebuah nafas dari seorang umat Muhammad.. malah amat kecil berbanding dengan Jihad seorang pelajar di medan peperangan bersama helaian kertas dan dakwat demi segulung Ijazah apatah lagi bagi yang berada di tempat orang.. merasa pula mereka untuk menyambut Aidilfitri di dalam dewan bersama rakan-rakan seperjuangan, jauh dari orang tua dan rendang serta lomang (lemang in N9)...

same jugak dengan berdakwah, bukan je dengan buat pentas and panggil bermacam panel untuk berucap dikira sebagai dakwah... perkara2 yang dianggap kecil pun dikira berdakwah... like i said before, belajar pun dikira sebagai ibadah dan juga boleh diconsider as dakwah... and like any other ibadah, perlu dilakukan secara istiqamah..

ok laaaa.. enough membebel for tonight...

and during this Ramadhan i'll try my best not to swear, curse, watching porn (no matter how curious i can be at times), sexting (no matter how bored i can be), fantasizing (part ni susah skit kot) and anything yang mendatangkan dosa serta mengurangkan pahala berpuasa..

maka, sekian di sini saja... thanks for visiting.. maaflah kalau ade tersalah info ke ape... saya sangat jahil..

Tepuk Dada Tanya Apa Nak Makan Hari Ni

2011-07-22T22:13:00.000+08:00

as most people know that i befriends with lots of gays, some are openly gay and some are still in the search of sunlight outside of the closet, some are virgins are some are sluts, some might indulge only by what the world wide web offers and sticking only to that.. and these gays, that i know might not be some very close friends of mine and some i might even know from somewhere and somewhere abathen they like sharing stories and i don't mind listening cause some of these stories i find very intriguing.. so sebelum ape-ape konklusi dibuat, saya minta sekalian umat jangan mula menuding jari ke arah rakan-rakan karib saya.. ingatlah, by unwritten rules, cubit paha kiri paha kana terasa sakitnya..

so during the last post, i said something about rumah pelacuran di Lorong Haji Taib (LHT).. so basically for those people that knows KL, LHT is the red-light-area in Malaysia.. and mostly the anak ayam are actually a hybrid of ayam and also ikan.. or is it ikan that are cooked and looked like some ayam... taste like chicken tapi hanyir ikan ade lagi... lebih kurang sedikit sebanyak...

so about the gays that i know that i mention earlier, most of them are quite successful in whatever field their in... but in their case not field but more like a shopping mall or runway they cat-walk in... so senang cakap, they're living in a comfortable and peaceful life..

and the nyahs or transsexuals in LHT are living a very hard life.. nak makan pun kena scrap of everything for anything.. and just sat there waiting for anyone that might want them.. and who knows, kalau ade rezeki malam tu, maybe ada pelanggan yang sudi.. i just thought, they don't have to live that way, comparing to some of my gays, they don't come from a wealthy family either, but they're smart enough to earn a living doing what they do best other than handling a man and giving BJs or even pledging their an** to any man willing to pay..

half of my gay friends are muslims, and most of them said that its just another phase in their lives, they don't wish to live that way forever... once upon a time in the future, they might want to be married to a lady and have kids...

and most of them said to me..

❝assuming our lust on sex is like an itch on our skin, its either you serve yourself with the pleasure on easing that itch till you scratch yourself or you let it ease by itself and pray no more mosquito bite... so Mia, doakanlah yang pintu hidayah untuk kitorang bertaubat terbukak.. amen.. ❞

dan sebagai seorang rakan (yang rapat ataupun pun tak and kekadang skepik pasal orang nak berubah) doakan je laaaa yang terbaik...

and main thing i wish to say is the way you live your life is an option that you picked.. you were given some choices in life... and nak ke kiri atau nak ke kanan bergantung dengan pilihan deep down from our lil heart...

p/s: maafkanlah kalau ade yang terluka dengan post kali ni.. and i love you guys for not doing anything stupid..

kiss kiss.. on both cheeks and i love my new shoes...

Jalan TAR

2011-07-22T21:10:00.000+08:00

so i spend some time in Jalan TAR, learning on how to depend on my own when i need to cross the road.. and yes, boys, i'm proud to announce, your momma knows how to cross a road now.. dah tak payah korang pimpin tangan macam selalu..

while waiting for my sister to finish work i look around... and after a while, there's this homeless lady came and sit on a bench in front of me.... and somehow made me wondered.. the only thing different about me and this lady in front of me is we're on different level of lifestyle and MAYBE sanity (sape yang gelak memang kurang haja betol)

the both of us covered our hair
but she did it by wrapping her hair with a shabby worn-out tudung yang die simpul mati
while i put on a colourful shawl dibeli dengan harga RM5 yang dililit-lilit penuh style dan dipin rapi dengan pin tudung RM10 dapat 6 biji

we both with some plastic bags
she put more plastic bags in her bags and some unidentified object
while i have with me 3 pair of shoes, two of a branded kind and not from some kind of Taiwanese stall yang konon-konon nye style Korea sangat but sekal pakai dah hancur.. and some stuff i bought from Bake With Yen, kedai barang jual kek (yang sebelah tu rumah pelacuran nyah2 berbagai bangsa)

we both wear shoes
and she had this pair of black kasut tutup that worn out
and i wore selipar getah yang baru beli kat Times Square pasal selipar sebelum ni dah uzur

adour that came out from us
she was covered n this foul urine smell that made me wonder how many cloths that she has? pernah tak dia sampai ke masjid dengan seluruh jasad dan pakaian yang belum tentu suci dari hadas dan najis muttawasittah..
while i put on my Body Shop, White Musk to mask all smell of my own sweat after walking from Hang Tuah- Times- Low Yat - Times (the whole frigging place for shoes) - Hang Tuah - Sultan Ismail - Lorong Haji Taib (and lost) just to find that kedai kek...

bags in our hands
she had this bag that maybe she get from the garbage can since it looked like something that people may get for free and throw away
i still have my big grey tote that i have since last year.. dalam banyak-banyak beg, beg murah tu laaa yang paling tahan and lekat...

we both talk to ourselves
while she talk to the ghost from her past
and i talk to the puny imaginary elf which inhibits an electronic device people call THE CELLPHONE

we both are running away from something
she might ran away from the police or Kebajikan Masyarakat
and me, i'm running away from my problems

the homeless lady and me, we might have our differences, but still have something in common.. a person is not define on what is he or she is sitting on, but is define on what she or he represents...

we might come from the same place, but the standards that we hold are worlds apart.. tipu laaaa kalau selama kita berkawan takde sekali dua i feel a bit intimidated.. ye laaaa budak diploma je, tapi berkawan dengan student A-level.. berkawan dengan future docs and dentists tapi nasib sendiri tak tau kemane..

=end=

my confession =P

2011-07-21T21:57:00.000+08:00

so this is a story of my childhood.. dulu, when i was younger, i was a scotophobia, which means i was afraid of the dark.. and once in while i still do get anxious staying in the dark but at least i can conceal my fear..

and being too much of a chicken, i slept with my parents till the age of 4 or 5.. embarrassing ain't it? till then my my dad put one of my brother since we fought a lot and sometimes we still do.. but as adults, we do what we do best, ignore each others existence.. and since we fought a lot and that room was my room, i kicked him out.. that room was big enough that my dad can put together 2 queen size bed..

and after a while, when my sister left Malaysia, my ayah put me in her room, which is smaller and he gave me a single bed, so after i got so used of sleeping in a big bed, i sometimes fell from the bed while i was still sleeping.. tapi masalahnye, kadang-kadng bile besar pun still i fell out from my bed.. and since i was a child, i like filling every space on my bed with stuffed animals and anak patung.. and that's because i grew up alone and had no one to play with me.. bile dah besar i have 6 pillows with me, 3 stuffed animals and a Patrick Star.. while my Roger Rabbit and my Pinkie Bunny and Mashimaro tersimpan dalam almari..

so my confession is very much about i'm afraid of the dark and i like stuffed animals... sekian..

book review #1

2011-07-20T19:20:00.002+08:00

TITLE: GOOD IN BED
AUTHOR: JENNIFER WEINER
PAGE: 232 PAGES
YEAR: 2001
PRINTED: NEW YORK

Its a story about a fat Jewish lady, Candace or Canny that worked as a writer in a magazine. She had a boyfriend and they broke up when they were taking a break from each other. He's also a writer but in a third grade tabloid magazine and in that magazine he wrote bout something nasty about her. And she was badly hurt by that. Canny enroll herself in a weight management program and she meet Dr. K there. Bruce's father died, and she went to the funeral and comfort him and during the comforting he got her pregnant. Before she found out that she's pregnant she meet this celebrity lady (Maxy) that she's suppose to interview and they hit off very well and became friends ever since. Maxy manage to the script that Canny wrote into a movie and once upon a time, in an airport when Canny was on her way home after a meeting about her script, she stumbled upon Bruce, her ex and his new girlfriend, while she went to the toilet, Bruce's girlfriend pushed her and Canny fell. The moment she woke up, she was in a hospital and her baby was born but since she's 2 months early, the baby's is a underdeveloped. Thestory ends with Canny dating Dr. K

my personal review

its a good story that i can relate to. Canny went to therapy after she found out that her mom is gay and after she found out that her dad left them because she was fat.

takde laaa.. the part that i like most is how she was very positive about any bumps in the road she stumbled upon in her life including the real bump..

uurrrgghhh baca rajin, nak buat review malas laaa pulak..

school break plans

2011-07-17T00:02:00.001+08:00

so just to keep me away from my lappy for a while and do myself some good i decided that i should at LEAST finish one book in a week... by book i meant fiction, novel or whatever you may call it.. buku anatomy and physiology pun boleh jugak, and kalau bertambah rajin make full use of my Campbell book... kama sutra is most welcome... come to think bout it, rumah penuh dengan novel cinta mak and kak, ayah punye collection and mak's collection on turning her daughter into a woman... my books stay in my room, and i'm considering a new book shelves as big as my lecturers'...and just to make sure that i read (and when i say read i actually meant i don't pretend holding a book, put on my mp3 and have my eyes swirling around while i lay on my tummy) i'm gonna force myself make a book review.. alang-alang tu any of you guys who are intending on finding anything to read, i might assist you people in finding something that might interest you =]

my fav authors are
Sidney Sheldon (RIP)
Danielle Steel
Dan Brown
Cecilia Ahern
Sophie Kinsella
Elexandara Potter
Jennifer Weiner

and any products from any authors for any light reading also welcome in my reading list... and i think i should read more British writer though.. bukan tak minat buku melayu, cuma nak memantapkan bahasa global...

*the view of this stacks of books is just beautiful*

realism in fantism

2011-07-16T16:26:00.004+08:00

the word fantism doesn't really exist, i made that up..

malam tadi mimpi yang agak realistik... i slept well despite everything.. and yeah, since i'm more than ok you guys can stop checking on me every 2 hours.. not that i don't appreciate the attention but you people have our own lives that need attending..

ok, sambung cerita mimpi yang dapat ingat sikit- sikit je... the image projected from the dream was like a drama in the 90s, blurry and vibrant.. maybe its because i didn't wear my glasses when i go to sleep...

i was in an arrange marriage... macam biase, dapat suami yang pelik-pelik...

bla bla bla one thing lead to another.. and after 2 years i'm still incapable of bearing him a child because of the fact we might sleep on the same bed but i failed to have him erected by my presence since he prefers a P rather than V... yeah, do the math...

and even though it was arrange marriage, my mother in law hates me since she thinks that i'm infertile when clearly i'm more than happy to carry my own child in my womb... and mak mertua ni pun buat laaaa bermacam cara to break me up and my hubby yang sekali lagi gagal dikecam wajahnya...

dan maka sewaktu sebelum talak satu itu dijatuhkan he said

"you have too many negative qualities in you and i'm surprised that i cope up with you for the last 2 years...sekarang ni I lepaskan you dengan talak satu"

dan maka menjandalah diriku..

lalu terbangun laaaa diriku dari tidur dengan imej seorang lelaki yang menyesal kerana mengikut hormon datang bulannya...

bangun tidor dah depressed pasal mimpi bukan-bukan.... ape cer derrr????

From Mio to Mia

2011-07-14T23:28:00.000+08:00

I know that throughout our lives being witheach other, I’m the one who had been the disturbed one. But currently you’rethe one who’s messed up by living in denial. I know that I screw up lot’s oftime before but at least unlike you I step forward and I admit my loss.

Stop talking to snails when you needsomeone, try finding a new therapist, maybe after a while Mio might even ceasefrom existence. Your life may be entirely yours. We have to stop thinking toomuch about the future, and just go on with the flow but I know that you thinkit’s shallow to go through something without a plan. I know it has been yourblood for you to plan something, but every time thing don’t go according toplan you’ll be devastated.

We want this since forever, even before I wasborn. Are you willing to put 18 years of living in believing that you want thisand just twirl around your decisions within seconds based on something you’llconsider as petty? Our entire future is in jeopardy because of it.

You,yourself told yourself on not making decision based on your hormones and angerand any kind of emotions. And you said it was plainly stupid and you’re gonnaregret it later.

You let me took control of you for theentire half a year. You forgot your promise to us on changing and becoming lessreliant on others and to be entirely independent on your own. But in orderdoing that you ran away from facing anything, you don’t stop and give a thoughtabout anything. Even worse, your so called therapy with Gary the snail. What happenedgirl?

Now, put yourself together and get readyfor the next 12 hours. And turn off that freaking phone if you're not ready to face any questions, and lock the door.

Hugs,

~mio.i~

p/s to readers: whatever~!! this sure beats talking to snail having sex (which somehow made me more miserable since even Gary got laid)

mirror mask

2011-07-14T19:14:00.000+08:00

mirrors are supposedly showing something totally the opposite f the object it reflect... so i guess that my heart and my face is reflecting the otherwise... i'm uncommonly calm even tough i'm suppose to a flock of falcons doing air dive in my gut since having butterflies flying in stomach is an understatement...

mak dah risau, the only thing i can tell her when she said she's the one who's nervous is

"Mia yang tanggung"

mean ain't it... tapi bila kepala dah messed up sangat-sangat, tu je laaa paling decent dapat dikeluarkan..

currently listening to Evanescence - Going Under

hati kaca sememangnya rapuh

Words by Paramour #1

2011-07-13T00:49:00.000+08:00

suara membisik membuka pintu rindu
mendodoi keluh kesah yang lama beraja
bebas jiwa terbang terbuai deru angin
membawa kisah esok ke pangku
ditunggu bagai sang pecinta terpisah
bertahun menanti

just a moment

2011-07-12T21:05:00.002+08:00

selalunya, if i need to face something or in easier way to say it, i am facing a deep emotional breakdown, i go out, anywhere, alone and not a place close by that the kids might find me.. contoh nye, if i'm bored, nak bukit je, or bile emotional breakdown and i don't have any cash, and when i do have some cash, keluar ke Giant or Tesco and just look at the hanging cloths..

some might say it's just a temporary solution when the time comes I still need to face the reality..

it's not just about what i'm about to face in the next few days dan juga apa yang bakal terjadi, mungkin kah diri akan kecewa, atau gembira..

whatever i'm about to face, will i go through it happily or bitch around bout it..

if only.. just for a few days, i want disappear from the any eyes and run away...

cuma untuk sedikit peluang bagi mencari diri yang seakan hilang..

❝Tanah mana yang aku pijak?
Berdirinya aku kasih berguguran…
Pasir mana yang aku genggam?
Erat tanganku semakin layu..
Bunga berkembang..bumi luas aku seorang…❞

i want to go for a swim

2011-07-10T00:44:00.001+08:00

kalut diri dalam penyesalan
terlanjur dalam kesesatan
menjual apa yang tinggal
hilang hingga kosong
kelam kelabu namun sesak
merayu agar kembali
kering air mata
tanpa perlu ditangisi
lemas dalam pencarian semalam
sebu dalam penantian esok

why did i call myself Paramour of Ignorance?

crack the window open!!

2011-07-09T00:10:00.002+08:00

perasaan hanyut dalam ombak
penantian
ribut perasaan membadai tercari penjuru
dunia
jerit pekik terpanggil
sedang secebis daging
dalam tubuh pingin
nama yang seakan larut
di dalam darah
bersama tersebut dengan rentak
dan irama
jantung yang berdegup
bersama dengan helaan
nafas
sesalan semalam
menjadi nadi yang membina
apa itu kita
rindukan esok yang
tidak menentu
mahukan apa yang tiada

while the heart wants what the heart wants
being a traitor to its self
when words won't make any sense
due to fondness of the unforgiving sorrow

just wondering.. who can understand what i'm saying?

Friday

2011-07-08T13:27:00.001+08:00

its Friday... well at least in some part of the world... which means diwajibkan kepada semua lelaki muslim untuk menunaikan ibadah wajib iaitu solat Jumaat... dengan syarat wajib mesti mendengar dua khutbah Jumaat...

at night we'll party like we never party before... play dress up in the cutest party dress with the pink stilettos pack up some rubber in the Fossil clutch from last season you get for 50% off from an online store.. that's quite a bargain without you knowing that it's a faux...

unlike any other Friday, i didn't have the festive feelings like i used to have...

Friday, which means, i only have two more days in this week... by the end of it meaning there's an opening of a new week on Monday... dah Isnin..

dah dengan membawa konklusi bahawa, bermulanya minggu kedua bulan Julai... second week of July... masa penentuan permulaan masa depan...

supposedly the result of UPU is coming out by this week but still i fail to know the exact date being in ignorance and denial and everything..

time tengah typing jugak laaaaa pergi bukak FB and ade kawan announce that result for UPU is coming out on 15th July 2011 at noon... terhenti laa kejap nafas...

which means i have a week.. and that weekend i'm going to back to "tempat belajar bercinta" the enchanting forest of Sepang for convocation ceremony... and since you'll be leaving on the same week.. i might have some time to torture you...

and i'm gonna have some moment from the time for me to grab my robe to the raptai and convo for me to torture Pian...

nice plan...

my sex life

2011-07-07T02:27:00.000+08:00

what was my first time like?

hot and steamy?
or is it anything like the weather in Malaysia?
panas and humid?
did i have my windows open??
was he any good?
big or small??
i meant the bed laaa..

oowwwhhh that sure put the this entry on the roof..

unfortunately the title and the opening of this post was only to bring the house down.. as if.. just to increase the number of my readers.. nakal kan... bad girl with a butt that gets more enormous each day deserves a spank...

and yeah.. i'm a pathetic virgin.. (TT___TT)
please stop trying to get me a dildo for my birthday.. try a male stripper in a cake surprise instead...

so, i was strolling inside June Cleo (since that's the only strolling i can do now) and there's this survey about the readers sex life and dating life.. so being bored and everything, i'm answering the questions not there but here.. since this is one way of me getting to know myself, and who knows, in couple of months i might not need of any therapy at all... ye laaaa.. dah kena cari kawan baru leee kan... darn.. i hate ice-breaking.. what am i suppose to say during the orientation??

"hi name saye bla bla.. asal dari mane mane and paling penting saye nak tanye, dalam group ni ade yang gay tak? since straight people are not as accepting towards me as much as gays" *grin*

ok... i'm distracted again.. kat mane tadi?? ok.. kite sambung jawap soalan Cleo..

HOW OLD ARE YOU WHEN YOU GET YOUR FIRST DATE?
19 or 20

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU HAD YOUR FIRST KISS?
depending what you meant by a kiss?
tounge? peck on the lips, cheeks? or ____

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU HAD YOUR FIRST SEX?
again, i'm still holding my V-card.. sshhhhheeeeiiiisssshhhh

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR FIRST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE MIGHT BE?
i can tell you how i wish for it to be.. risau ade yang panas pulak...

HAVE YOU CHEATED ON SOMEONE BEFORE?
planning on someone that'll be your rebound guy is not cheating, having dinner and few drinks with him wasn't cheating either.. as a matter of fact exchange flirting wasn't cheating..

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CHEATED?
yup.. many many times

WHAT WOULD YOU WEAR ON YOUR FIRST DATE?
depends...
blind date: don't even bother to have any effort
an actual date: putting my A game.. i want my guy to be proud to have me beside him...

WOULD YOU CONSIDER DATING A GUY WITH DIFFERENT NATIONALITY?
hell yeah!

IF YOU'RE DATING AN OLDER MAN, WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE AGE GAP?
1-10 years kot...

WOULD YOU EVEN CONSIDER DATE A YOUNGER GUY?
eeeerrrmmmm i never date a guy my age and older... seriously..
i think its because of my lack of maturity matches their emotional maturity... and men have lower maturity compare to women.. adeeeehhh

ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW?
nope.. have you ever watched HIMYM season 6 the part they talk about leaving someone hanging?
yuupppp i think i'm in the hanging.. kalau adat melayu, kiranye gantung tak bertali... kot?? *wrinkle forehead*
sebetulnye, i don't even know where i stand...

HOW DO YOU FEEL BOUT YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP?
neutral (if i am, which somehow i think i'm not, but i wish i am)

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE ABOUT YOUR PARTNER?
he's fine the way he is, awesome and everything... sarang-hae (who am i thinking about right now?? confuse nye~!!)

IS YOUR PARTNER HE SAME NATIONALITY AS YOU?
haah... same... (still lagi confuse sebenarnye, i should skip these questions but wadda heck, dah type dah pun, nak delete malas laaa)

WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A MAN?
the answer for "what does he look for in me?"

sense of humour and sarcasm
intelligence
respect for women
skillful in bed

WHICH CELEBRITY IS YOUR IDEAL MAN?
Ryan Reynolds (pasal haritu nak tengok Green Lantern but i was PMSing)

DO YOU BELIEVE AT LOVE FIRST SIGHT?
read my post on love at first sight and you'll know

WHICH RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS DO YOU PREFER?
a secure, but less steamy long-term companionship (nobody wishes to die alone)

WHAT'S THE TOP THING THAT BINDS A RELATIONSHIP
affection?? kot laaaa
abathen.. there's this study saying that most women would feel more comfortable having the thoughts of spending the rest of their life being married to their best friends... so i guess its trust and loyalty laaa sebenarnye...

WHAT IS THE FASTEST FACTOR TO RUIN A RELATIONSHIP?
spending 24/7 together.. sssshheeeiiisshhh people get a life...

DO YOU THINK ITS ACCEPTABLE TO READ YOU PARTNER'S FB MESSAGES AND EMAIL?
yyuuuuppp i got nothing to hide... i put all my trust in you, why shouldn't you.. abathen, its your choice anyways..

WHAT DO YOU OF MARRIAGE?
overpriced party and overinvited people
and mak paksa

WHAT DO YOU THINK BOUT LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE?
i'm ok with it.. doesn't mean i'm gonna do it

WOULD YOU CONSIDER DIVORCE IF YOUR MARRIAGE ISN'T WORKING OUT?
ade pernah terbace "tiada musibah yang akan Allah turunkan kepada hambaNya andai musibah itu tidak mampu diatasi"
figure out the problem and face it.. i'm not saying no to any couples counsellings..

WHOSE JOB IS IT TO PROVIDE THE FAMILY?
both.. do you seriously trust the man shop for groceries?

HOW SATISFIED ARE YOU WITH YOUR SEX LIFE?
so and so

DO YOU FEEL PRESSURED TO HAVE SEX WHEN YOU'RE DATING?
maybe a bit

WHERE DO YOU USUALLY HAVE SEX WITH YOUR PARTNER?
i always have this thought about having my cheery pop at the house that my hubby provided for me with my hubby laaaa..
no.. not the kind of hubby that i can keep in my purse and has buttons on it and any kind of plug-ins.. the real one with flesh, and emotions and has libido

THE RESPONSIBILITY FALLS ON
both.. why trust the men?

HOW OFTEN DO YOU THINK A COUPLE WITH A HEALTHY SEX LIFE SHOULD HAVE SEX?
2-3 times a week
cardio cardio

DO YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR SEX TO YOUR FRIENDS?
yuupppp (sshhhuuuu jangan cakap kat die)

HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANY STD?
i always wondered though.. are you gonna get infected by using public toilet?

FOR SEX ADVICE YOU TURN TO:
1. internet (faster solution)
2. my gynecologist (whose still waiting for his A2 result and will be having his USM-KLE interview today)
3. videos (i always find porn as educating)

HAS A MAN EVER FORCED YOU TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM?
but a non-virgin once said to me "its important for you to keep your virginity"

DO YOU EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX?
tetiba terfikir, ade tak lelaki yang masturbate with a condom?

YOU WOULD ENJOY SEX MORE IF?
that questions just brings out so much more questions...

HAVE YOU REGRETTED HAVING SEX WITH A MAN?
but i have regret not having sex... takde laaaaaa.. memain je~!!!

WHAT DO YOU THINK THE WORST THING ABOUT HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX?
got pregnant, and infected with HIV and other STDs while you don't even know who the father of the baby and who gave you crabs and pubic lies..

HAVE YOU FAKED AN ORGASM?
yuuppp as a joke.. uuuu my friend is awesome a faking it...

WHAT DO THINK ABOUT PRE-MARITAL SEX?
a woman who has no self confidence about holding a man back and a man who can't keep his penis inside his pants

HAVE YOU EVER HAVE A PAP-SMEAR?
pernah terfikir nak buat tapi mak cakap untuk orang lepas kahwin je laaaa

soooo that was it.. i'm going to bed now...

cerita sedih + cerita tipu

2011-07-06T13:46:00.001+08:00

i had someone in my life... let's call him F and he was my everything... i've known him since we were only in kindergarten.. i had always been very fond of him since he was the nicest kid in my class... during those days in kat tadika, kami main same-same, saye naik buai, die hayunkan.. same-same atas slide and see-saw... share our bekal we brought from home.. the ones that my gramma made since my mum will send me to my gramma's place and she'll prepare me for tadika and then i'll take a bus ride home, naik bas Pak Mat... i can't wait to get to the kinddy.. ✾◕ ‿ ◕✾

and so we grow up together... saye masuk ke sekolah perempuan.. and he's in SBP, all boys school.. we meet once in a while.. during those times, the couple of hours we spend together with our parents watching, we spend it chatting and giggling like we were never separated.. bertukar-tukar cerita.. i was always amazed with his stories dalam dorm... i wonder if my dad allow me to go to SBP before what will happen to me.. am i gonna have the same experience etc... it sounded so wonderful, like an enchantress place i could only dream of going...

i was 15 at that time... almost 15.. my brother dah nak bertunang... and bring the girl who's now my kakak ipar home and we went to the jewelry store together with my mum to pick up his cincin tunang.. so i was messing around the store... and i was this platinum ring.. a plain with nothing on platinum ring...

and as soon as i saw this ring i was reminded of him.. his pretty long fingers and fair skin will look so nice with it... dengan merah pipi terfikir yang during the kenduri doa selamat at my house i'll put the ring on his fingers...

so i made a deal with my mom that i'll have some chores done in exchange of that ring.. and she agreed..

so the day finally came... during the kenduri, he pulled me away from the crowd and we sat on the piles of couch since my brothers have to put the seats away for a larger space for the place where the jemaah bace doa selamat and yassin...

there we had a chat

F: Mia, off all the years we had been friends, i know i can trust you with something...
M: haha geli laaaa.. secret ape pulak ni? *excited*
F: promise jangan cerita kat sape-sape pun??
M: ok, Mia promise, tak cerita kat sape-sape pun..
F: pinkie swear?? not even kucing tu *points at my cat yang buat tak tau and licking his butt*
M: yeeee... Mia janji tak bagi tau kat Cenenet.. that cat has a name tau... kucing mak.. gedik je lebih..

time tu rase macam sengal jugak since Cenenet was sitting next to him and even if i didn't tell Cenenet he obviously can hear it himself...
wait~!!! baru terfikir je, was he making fun of me for talking to cats??

F: Mia, few nights ago, time tu F tengah prep kat lib...
M: nape tak kat kelas je??
F: tak penting, dengar je laaaa crita F dulu...
M: ye laa.. jangan laaaa marah
F: *jeling mengade* F ade laaa sorang senior ni.. and F suke laaa kat die.. it turn out die pun suke gak kat F... and die tanye F kalu we can make it official.. be a couple...
M: and you said? *muke tahan nangis*
F: i said yes *senyum kambing* sukenye~!!! weeeeee~!!!!!!

after few weeks baru terfkir, kan ke F sekolah lelaki... senior die tu?? eeerrmmmm maksudnye... hhmmm

OMG / OME (hehehehe) F minat lelaki???!!!!

that sure explain a lot, kitorang play with my mom's make-up, he borrowed my Barbie and sew her dresses and everything... main masak-masak lagi...

my heart was broken.. sorok cincin yang saye beli untuk die...

tiba-tiba when i'm in KTT jumpe balik cincin tu.. and my heart once again got broken... nak pakai sendiri cincin tu besar sangat pulak.. nak bagi kat sesape pun besar sangat pulak... boyfriend pun takde... ╯.╰

tetiba je cuti baru ni dapat idea baru, found some of my mom's pearls laying around the house.. ok not exactly laying around the house, mak simpan laaa kat bilik die.. and i told her i want one.. i was going to turn the ring to a necklace.. buah rantai...

so i googled out some designs.. and i pick two that look decent for me.. siap MMS kat Pian mintak die pilih mane paling comel since i couldn't decide... and he picked this on the right..

so today, i wen to the same jeweler.. i asked him whether he can turn my cincin and the pearls to be buah rantai... and he told me he can't since in my hometown takde tukang platinum... once again i got my heart broken.. (╥﹏╥)

that ring reminded me of the bitter fact that i'm still single.. and i lost to a dude.. and they broke up after F found out that the senior cheated on him with another senior... and i became his crying shoulders... but kitorang terpisah lepas die fly ke Paris... macam tu je.. i don't even have his FB page.. die tak contact pun even die balik ke Malaysia.. ಥ_ಥ
sedeh tau bile gayboy kite lupekan kite

now, sepanjang cerita diatas ade cerita yang betul and ade yang tipu... teka laaaa mane yang betul and mane yang tipu... (♥♥,)

see yaaaa next post =*

when i was young

2011-07-05T13:39:00.002+08:00

i was very fond animals.. wait.. i still am... and its quite a pity for since my homecoming this time is without my piggies (since both Angel and Demon are dead) and Susu is in the arms of the angels in the heavens up above...

when i was younger, when i get too lonely (since i grow up alone) i'd kidnap any of the stray cats and bring them home and try to tame them and i'd fail everytime.. kesian kan? dah laa kena cakar, kena marah lagi and paling best ken besihkan lagi pee pee and doo doo kucing tu...

and once in a while, when i get some money, i'll force my parents to take me to a petshop (petshop paling famous in my hometown is Aquarium Lee) and i once treat myself a pair Green Turtles, and a hamster.. pernah ade sekali ikan laga.. bla bla bla

that is how determined i was..

another tag (from FB, bwk ke blog)

2011-07-02T22:32:00.002+08:00

my pal from PASUM tagged me in her post in FB, so i took the liberty on putting it here instead of reposting it in FB..

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
are u sure??? pasti kah?? taknak cek balik ke??

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONAL?
i come with a manual.. an open book read me.. but make sure read between the lines

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
blur and bit sleepy

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
duu duuu duuuu duuuu *sing*

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
change the world, deluding the human race..

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
emo and hormonal.. most of the time needy and clingy

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
its a who..

WHAT IS 2+2?
equals to 2X2=4
and also equals to 2 by the power of two.. but unequal to 2 exponent 2

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
psycho...
gile kekadang retard.. but love 'em anyways =P

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
psychopath, sociopath, kaki kikis, potential anak ikan kepada mana2 datok.. gile duit..
but sometimes sangat considerate, sweet, caring =D
geli tak???
rainbow yang penuh warna-warni

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
kek lapis sarawak.. lapisan lepas lapisan dalam corak gila yang penuh warna warni

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
*nangis*

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
hhhmmmmm our song

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
a hug and a kiss on both cheeks... nangis sikit.. wat drama depan org ramai..pastu gado...best nye XD

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
texitng, blogging, posting, tweeting, mengarot, melayan fantasy, read (makin malas)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
i like buns and sausages

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
=D
kadang2 more desperate than i am

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
don't ask.. i'm in denial with reality

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
kena kejar lipas
gadoh ngan mereka2
rindu kat ehem-ehem
and fear

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
gay jokes

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
knowing that jack ass

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
in the arms of my imaginary hot companion

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
macam taknak je

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
a waste of investment

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
i've been asking myself the same thing

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
lipas and another failure

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
SPM and PMR

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, WHEN YOU MEET YOUR BOSS?
=.=" ape lagi yang kau nak susahkan aku ari ni?

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
as a blog post... daaaaaaaa

now, after you read this, copy the questions and answer it in your on own blog or FB notes.. tag you're it~!!!!

row, row, row your boats

2011-07-01T21:30:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling seasick in a middle of a kotaraya.. pening and sick in all sorts of way and i'm not even pregnant.. to put the fondant on the cupcakes ( a twist of to put the icing on the cake) my niece sang row row row your boats...

there's nothing romantic about being in a rowing imaginary boat.

so semalam, the result for degree application for UiTM came out and ergo, everyone in my batch has their prayers and questions answered.. alhamdulillah.. every praise for god almighty.. tahniah kepada rakan-rakan...

semalam jugak... the kids have a meeting with JPA and at the same time the got the date on when their plane will be leaving.. and everything..

and this also happen yesterday, my boy got his result...

and i'm still on my rocking boat... being seasick... the waiting is unbearable especially when you know that you might not be receiving what you expected 18 years ago...

ya allah.. emosi sekarang ni betol-betol unstable...

i don't know why i reacted the way i do.. i don't know why am i taking those risks... i don't know why am i giving up on everything, i don't know what's in my heart.. i don't know what's in my head..

i only know that i can find out about whatever is in my heart and mind when you're around.. there's something about your presence that made all the deepest thoughts coming out... i need you... i always do...

dari setahun yang lepas aku dah redha yang mungkin kite tak ade peluang nak jumpe lagi after both of us finish our degrees... at that moment i was so sure in saying, lepas kite same-same balik Malaysia nanti... but i don't know..

i don't know mane fate akan letak aku nanti... aku risau... this fear is too much for me to handle.. i've wasted my tears on April, and i can't cry till the next 9 months...

i've been living in denial and hiding for the past couple of months.. i need some warm words...

row, row, row your boats
gently down the stream
merrily merrily merrily
life is but a dream

life is sweet, as long as it remains a fantasy..

the Cowherd and the Weaver legend

2011-07-01T00:05:00.004+08:00

in China, there's this festival known as the QiXi festival.. it is during the seventh day of the seventh month of the lunar calendar..

In Japan, they have a different celebration, do you know the Tanabata festival or the bamboo festival when the lover hang their name on a bamboo with a prayer that they'll be together??

so very much these celebration (which include in Korea also but i'm not very familiar with it and not even bother to google it up) is about a legend of the Cowherd and the Weaver...

so the story of these two are.. (the legend unfolds itself as the pages are turn)

The tale of the Cowherd and the Weaving Girl is a love story between the Cowherd, a human being, and the Weaving Girl, a fairy. They fall in love with each other, get married, forced to separate and blocked by the Milky Way. Out of compassion for them, on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month each year, flocks of magpies fly to form a bridge with their bodies over the Milky Way, allowing the Cowherd and the Weaving Girl to meet each other. This story, to some extent, reflects Chinese people's wishes to pursue the freedom of love and marriage.

The fairy tale also contains Chinese people's understanding about star images. In the tale, the Weaver Girl Star (the Vega) is the brightest star in the constellation Lyra, facing the Cowherd Star (the Altair), the brightest star in the constellation Aquila, across the Milky Way.

so the thing is, the milky way is the only that bond them together, and only once a year that these two are able to meet... tapi malangnye.. love is never easy.. obstacles and problems are bounded with the oath of marriage, and sometimes friendship and any other kind of relationship also..

and malang bagi mereka juga, time tu belum lagi ade FB, no phone (so no phone sex and sexting), no skype (no skype sex) and nothing else.. even myspace pun jauh panggang dari api..

and here this.. let's just say its raining cats and dogs during the Tanabata, the milky way or the celestial river will be flooded.. thus flooding the river bank ergo it is more impossible for those two to meet... jangankan nak jumpe setahun sekali, lima tahun sekali belum tentu boleh lagi...

sekian terima kasih =]

my life

2011-06-30T22:14:00.001+08:00

is as sweet as life can get... but only if it stays as my fantasy..

once it takes a leap out of my lala-land into reality, that's when thing get bitter...

uuu there goes the unicorn... it has come to gimme a ride =]

i'm not in any influence...

formspring.me

2011-06-30T01:47:00.001+08:00

come on..gimme some cold shower!! http://formspring.me/miaselfcentric

Cleopatra

2011-06-29T15:10:00.001+08:00

beauty lies on the eyes of the beholder.. and beauty as art is a subjective matter with no right or wrong answers.. but is it true about the woman who was claimed to be the most beautiful woman during her time live up to the legend?

she was known as the first woman to conquer not only the emperor of Egypt (Julius Ceaser) but also a trend setter and the woman who invented cosmetics.. eye shadows and everything.. who do you think completed the Cleopatra look?? who inspired my make-up for the graduation dinner?

for thousands of years, human around the globe was sweetened by the silhouette of a young queen of Egypt to be known with the beauty of a goddess.. abathen..

ever since a few years back, archeologist had found the evidence about the existence of Cleopatra and her lover Mark Anthony (bukan suami J.Lo) by the findings of coins..

a mere coin became the key to the mystery on how Cleopatra real face structure. and some statues also laaa kot.. but still no Egyptian statues were made based on the real thing.. do you really thing that there's a giant cat with a human head and wings??

but her statues mostly pictured her as a beautiful seductress since most of them are naked...

so the truth about Cleopatra that she wasn't conventionally pretty but she was the woman of power and a very influential diplomat, and in some some nothing is more sexy than power and a woman who can afford to buy her own things..

and the thing is.. her infamous beauty was merely because of her thick make-ups and power... so.. some may call me pretty.. since i wore thick make-up (sometimes) and i am the woman of power...

langit tu biru, awan tu putih

2011-06-29T00:00:00.001+08:00

its actually the code for lunch time.. whil the code for dinner we use "bumi tu bulan dan segala-galanya rapuh.."

yeah i know.. its a weird way of telling your friends to wake up and lets have dinner or lunch together..

a study from Catholic University of America once found that sitting down together at a table can help in child's development.. and as lame as i sound, children are the future of the country..

so the thing is, my family ever since i could remember never sat down at the same table and dine together.. usually mom will cook or maybe we have take-aways, put it on the table or leave it in the pot.. and whoever got hungry need to serve themselves and go in front of the TV and eat..

ever heard of the term "families that eat together, stay together" ?

so my life experience proves the hypothesis.. ever since childhood i think i'm the kind who'd be left alone and since i don't have any siblings close enough to my age, i usually play and chat with my imaginary friend... i don't kill just because i don't need him anymore (secondary school) abathen our relationship just fade away... kitorang tak penah gadoh tau.. he was really really nice and protective and supportive..

ok dah melalut since i want to talk about families that dine together...

i told one of my friend about the habits in my family.. and as far as i remember (since it was a very long time ago) my friend was disagree with families not dining together...

yes.. growing up and living with my friends i learn how important is it for families to be dining together... friends grow apart if the stop spending time during recess hour at school.. kids even consider they friends that spend time during recess as bestfriends.. tak caye sudah...

from my experience (also) during dinner time laaa segala emosi akan diluahkan... umpatan keji serta cacian... memang bahaya sekiranya kami bersama... dan kerana itu jugak la bermacam gosip bertebangan di sekitar langit biru di bumi Sepang..

i don't know why and how, but there's something about seeing food on table that made words wanna come out.. kan?? kan? ke??!

so, the thing is, i'm not that close to my family members that i'd discuss my future planning with them.. i know.. pelik kan... but it doesn't mean i don't enjoy being around my family members.. its nice to have all the family together..

and tetiba macam air je keluar bermacam idea bout my future planning to my friends..

so my another future planning,

in the future, kalau ade jodoh dan berkahwin, i want to spent at least a day in a week baking with my hubby, cooking something special together, and maybe wash the dishes together.. and at least we'll have dinner together every night.. even if sorang dah kena balik lambat and the other one dah makan, yang dah makan tu akan temankan partner tu makan.. that's what 'm used to. if one of my bestie tetiba ajak makan, and i wasn;t occupied that moment and dah termakan sebelum tu, i'm still gonna accompany him to eat...

tag you're it

2011-06-28T21:08:00.001+08:00

no i wasn't tagged by anyone.. too much of a loser for anyone to notice me..

❐Do you have any pets? 
my piggies died... so was my black-gay cat

❐What colour top are you wearing? 
pink
❐Name 3 things that are physically close to you.
my sister's Dell, my HP pavilion dm4, a baby rocker
❐What's the weather like right now?
cloudy, with a chance of meatball
❐Do you drive? If so have you crashed? 
don't get me started
❐What time did you wake up this morning? 
11 am
❐When was the last time you showered? 
this evening
❐What was the last movie you saw?
Rio.. with the boys.. seryes klaka
❐What does your last text message say? 
sy stret ke KTM Subang Jaya (that was last Saturday) then following
tak arrr since kalu pakai highway memang kna slalu stret, tpi kadang2 kne laaa pndai2 turn left or right

what did i say about some people with the word straight?
❐What's your ringtone?
Mamma Mia, Misery- Glee for Pian, Must Have Been Love for Shahril, The Lion Sleeps Tonight for siblings
❐Have you ever been to a different country?
in my dreams
❐Do you like sushi?
oh dear.. as a matter of fact i really do.. like the ones with octopus.. nyuumm
❐Where do you buy your groceries from? 
Giant.. no plastic bags on Saturdays
❐Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster?
if you call lullaby and tight hugs as medicine
❐How many siblings do you have? 
blood siblings : 2 sisters and 5 brothers
by oath: 3 brothers/sisters
❐Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?
i had two and my mum gave my Dell to my abang so i have one now
❐How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
22 this Halloween, please save it on your phone
❐ How did your parents pick your name? 
i dont know, but i know that my dad pick it up.. my name means princess
❐Do you wear contacts or glasses? 
wore lens once and it keep on going into my eyes... so sticking to my red glasses
❐Do you color your hair? 
yupp, cinnamon, my mum still dont know bout it
❐Tell me something you are planning to do today. 
go to bed early (as if)
❐When was the last time you cried?
April.. i miss the person in front of me
❐What is your full name? 
if you're a real hottie and you'll know
❐What is your perfect pizza topping?
nenas and cheese
❐Who is your favourite comedian?
Russell Peters... BE A MAN!!
❐What is your favourite radio station?
92.9 hitz.fm
❐Which do you prefer: hamburgers or cheeseburgers? 
hamburgers, i like meat
❐Have you ever had an all-nighter? 
depending on what you define as all-nighter,... and yeah.. i had my fun
❐What is your eye colour? 
dirty dark brown
❐Can you taste the difference between pepsi and coke?
yeah.. we drink a lot of coke and i always get bloated afterwards

now, i'm tagging my followers.. including Eric... and Wayne..

plan B

2011-06-28T20:46:00.000+08:00

if things don't turn out to be the way i wish or plan for it to be, maybe.. ok bear me in this.. maybe i'll have my own frozen yogurt shop..

entrepreneurship (ETR300) is something i learned during my last sem of AS120.... so sedikit sebanyak i got a lil bit of idea on the stuff i should be handling..

so i need to have an enterprise of partnership... consist at least 2 people that will be handling 4 portfolios in a business plan

1. Admin or Organisation (basically about gaji and utilities and sewa)
2. Marketing (macam2, including location, forecast plan bla bla bla
3. Operating (the processing technique lalala or the transformation)
4. Financial (money and money some more)

i pick the location close by the Terminal Bus Kuala Kangsar, close by to Sakan, Maybank, CIMB and macam-macam bank lagi laaa... plenty of schools there, Clifford, MCKK, and the students from my former school also ( i dont know why) pick that smells like urine as a hanging spot..

kerajaan pun galakkan kan golongan muda untuk bergiat dalam bidang peruasahawanaan...

but.. as if i'm gonna ever go to plan B.. but frozen yogurt seems like nice idea for me to have right now.. yuummmmyyyy

love at first sight

2011-06-27T21:45:00.000+08:00

love at first sight is an attraction which sometimes accompanied by a compassionate feelings to the other character... so basically its all about first impression..

so truly, tanpa berkata panjang.. saya meneruskan pendapat saya.. (rase sedikit sengal bertambah lampi)

cinta pandang pertama selalunya adalah tanpa berdasarkan judge of character and foremost on the other person's physique.. without a doubt only the pretty ones may experience to be at the other side of the door.. not saying that the less than pretty ones are not deserving of love..

cause as much as i care (abathen i don't) people who were/are/will never be happy of themselves are the ones not deserving to be called pretty.. making fun of others is not a way of making them feel motivated about changing but its you making a huge joke of yourself.. and a friend of mine once said, "you have to be happy about yourself and eventually your body will react to your happiness and nature will do its magic"

come to think bout it.. when he said be "happy" did he actually meant by being "HAPPY" or "happppyyyyy aaaahhhhh" or "happy= gay"... sometimes i just wished that people are less ambiguous.. indefinite maybe..

throughout my 22 years (almost) of terrorizing mother nature, i only got to stumble upon my love at sight once.. i wasn't even 18 at that moment.. just got out from girls school.. and he just happened to be the first good looking guy who didn't look anything the type of guy which i illustrated in my head for years during secondary..

during my teen years, i imagine that the guy that i'd choose to have (at least a crush) a relationship would not wear glasses, since i find eyesight faulty is some sort of kecacatan and since i'm myopic as well (eventhough not as chronic as some people) so i have this kind of feelings that if i have babies with a myopic guy, then our babies will have to wear glasses at a very young age.. sangat tak attractive..

and i imagine that the guy will be tall.. buy he's just tall(er) than me.. by few centimetres.. so bit disappointing.. abathen, i still have the same opinion about tall guys... i feel safer around tall guys since it feels as if anything bad gonna happen, the tall guy will be my shield..

and my list went on.. abathen.. my first crush has nothing from the ones that i wished for.. a nerd with glasses, medium height, alim (i had this phase in my life that i love bad boys so much) and his sidekick is an annoying lil monkey that liked to pick a fight with me..

and few weeks back... my first crush, or my first love at first sight was there on my FB... i just realized, i got over him.. soooo over him that i just want to click the unfriend button.. but i know it kinda stupid, deleting people on the imaginary blue book that contain no meaning in it.. abathen on my defends, i need to be active on FB since my friends are far far away... and.. and... and i'm lost for any lame excuses... funny i'm not usually this slow at giving lame excuses..

so the thing is.. the love i planted on the person after i get to know him a lot better is still warm as if it was a bun that just got out of oven.. or is it my lappy's adapter that's warming next to me??

never mind that.. the point is.. when i was younger, i always thought that if i ever gonna have a man-woman relationship, i want him to be a total stranger.. abathen.. as i got older.. tak pe laaa kite skip part ni je laaa.. isu sensitif... kang ramai plak yang perasan terguling-guling..

so the thing is.. a man is judged by what he is not on who he is.. kalau nak bercinta, and you might want your love to last, its better not to have it based on first impression.. i'm not the kind of girl that people fall in love with me on the first sight.. since most cases that these girls fall in love with me was after they got to know me... abathen..

i wish for many many things in a man.. but someone made me realize, i have nothing to offer to a man other than my virginity.. that only if he even cares about that..

ok.. see ya next post..

p/s: dah cakap ke yang result UPU keluar 2nd week of July??

What event shaped your life the most?

2011-06-27T13:46:00.001+08:00

=]

read my posts.. and you'll know..

come on..gimme some cold shower!!

fear and paranoia

2011-06-27T00:47:00.003+08:00

the song by Tim McGraw feat Nelly- Over and Over is on replay in my imaginary iPod touch that has face time.. i didn't set it on purpose... but my alter ego did it.. i think the right time has come for me to introduce HIM to my fellow readers/stalkers.. capital HIM.. M.. M.. M... its time to put your paws up.. *music*

he's the paranoid nerd that lives in the closet too long that his face is pale by the lack of sunlight. the lenses on his glasses are two inches high and can sometimes be used as the heel on my shoes.. sometimes he's so caught up in his world that when it was his turn to take over my body, he froze up during conversation and droozing into a deep sleep with his eyes open as if he's staring at the guy siting with his peps next table. sometimes the boys have to wake him up and ask

"kenape selalu sangat lost??"

there are moment that he doubted about everything.. about love and hate.. mostly orientation.. his main paranoia is mainly on love and people that associated themselves with the word LOVE..

"betulkah insan yang mengatakan sayang itu benar sayangkan diriku??"
"benarlah yang dia tidak pernah fikirkan diriku, tak pernah sekali namaku keluar dari bibirnya.."

so... tu la sedikit sebanyak pasal Mio.. Mio ye jangan gatal tambah R plak belakang tu.. its like Rio but change the R to an M.. jangan tanye kenapa name die macam tu.. dah hilang idea nak bagi name ape..

so practically Mio had been playing that song cause of his paranoia...

so thinking about going to a new place gives him all kind creeps..

meeting new people yang belum tentu lagi ok atau pun tak.. (over and over again)

orientation with seniors which means more ragging and free facial with mud (over and over again)

kat tempat u ade gay or tak (over and over again)

gay baru awesome ke terok nak mati (over and over again)

roommate penyebok and clingy (nak makan kena ajak wat aktiviti bersama-sama etc) (over and over again)

tempat tu selamat ke dari pencuri harta benda (hati takpe, since sampai bila nak setia buta?) (over and over again)

ade washing machine tak dekat- dekat?? (over and over again)

pihak pentadbiran yang awesome nak mati letak Mio dalam bilik penuh dengan perempuan yang tipikal perempuan.. dah laaa Mio gay yang nerd, tapi main dress up and make-up semua tu Mio suke (over and over again)

macam mane kalau tempat tu takde line 3G? abes laaaa (over and over again)

the food there are expensive and taste even foul that gym socks (over and over again)

cockroach is my other roommate (OH NO~!! Emy dah takde~!!) (over and over again)

and his list went on and on.. its gonna take all night to finish everything he has in his mind.. as a matter of fact.. wheni got my body back and i switch on my lappy i found the cutest note in my documents..

so i believe wherever i'll end up in the next 2 months i believe that this ad will be posted in any pillars or board, either kat faculty or Resident College

===========================================================

in the search of a new

GAY

companion

if you think you have what it takes and fill these criteria then come for our open audition at the (bla bla possibly any stage yang ade sound system)

cute and good looking
awesome in singing and dancing
likes both art and science
nice hair to play with
smell like flowers
smart with high IQ
accepting towards others
psychopath
friendly yet arrogant
eat anything and everything
likes to play dress me up
caring without showing
ok with animals
can speak in many languages
understand analogy and metaphors
has an awesome range of vocabulary
invisible towards physical pain
has sense of humor, sarcasm and skeptic
loves music and any kind of arts
down to earth
has many good qualities that his fag hag can be proud of
nice and sweet but sometimes mean
likes to cuddle
compassionate
likes to pamper and be pampered

COME!!

AND BE PART OF HISTORY!!

===========================================================

masalah jugak kan?? kan??!! kan??!!! =.="

ape cer der??!!

not dentistry

2011-06-26T14:48:00.001+08:00

so.. after my talk with Anak Ikan semalam (about brilliance, intelligence and beauty) i noticed that most of the dentistry student have braces...

guys in white coats and braces... jadi kalau amik dents memang tak belajar laaaaaa

talk of the future

2011-06-26T13:08:00.000+08:00

so. after pledging my days as a full time housewife for some time, i went out for the first time in many many months.. banyak laaa sangat... dengan alasan i want to watch Green Hornet.. oh wait.. sorry.. silap lagi... Green Lantern..

so... we went out.. before that, few days before we went out i gave out a warning of

Caution!

Minah Mengumpat and

Urgency to Bitch Ahead

so.. mengumpat laaaa kami sepuas hati.. dan.. since i'm having my PMS, afdhal laaaa kiranya makan sepuas hati..

the stuff i've been craving for a while (most of my baby sitters should know that my PMS starts from the moment i ovulate).. so i had ice-cream, Korean chick sticks, and RIBS.. TGI Fridays is an awesome place nak lepak laaaa... since you can talk and bitch all you want and no one bothers to kick you out...

so kat TGIF laaaa kitorang had a talk about the future.. so bila cakap pasal future, mula laaa emo yang melampau.. darn.. tapi suka laaa pasal lama tak emo.. haha dan umpatan diselitkan sekali dua.. biasa laaa.. when two bitches meet, the third one obviously the victim.. never i feel angry as the time i was about to cut someone off..

maka anak ikan pun terpaksa laa melayan ibu cougar yang sedang kesedihan (konon) macam anak ikan tiada masalah sendiri... weeehhh ape crita de~??? yang sorang MARA wat perangai yang sorang lagi dah berubah minat pasal kekecewaan mencengkam jiwa... (still tak nak ke Kelantan even kalau dapat sekalipun)

maka bila kami berbincang mengenai masa depan masing, emo laaa kalian... tak tau nak jadi ape.. if only we could have a glimpse into the future, we might have a little bit peace in our mind..

but some people might say, what's the fun in knowing the end of the story if we didn't come up with the climax... its like sex.. start with proper foreplay, skip the orgasm and straight to spooning and cuddling and nestling while you embrace the warmth and scent on each other.. (AHAKS.. sian plak kat reader yang naive or rasa otak die suci)

so in the end of the perbincangan future and beyond, masing- masing delusional bout having kids.. and that part is the part we went less emotional.. and jadi gile.. ok.. we have to do that more often...

so.. maka, berfantasi kadang kala boleh menjadi pengubat jiwa.. singguhpun tidak sihat..

papa.. mama nak baby baru.. piggy semalam was only 5 months old already three times bigger than our last babies.. boleh laaaaa..

mama boring duduk sorang kat rumah..

by the way.. to my lovely stalkers.. the UPU result is coming out on the second week of July

formspring.me

2011-06-26T12:12:00.001+08:00

come on..gimme some cold shower!! http://formspring.me/miaselfcentric